The Community of Believers, Part Three:

 Taking Action

Today, I’m wrapping up a series of posts on the topic of living in community with our fellow believers. [If you haven’t read the first or second parts yet, you can find them here (#1) and here (#2).] I believe that, as believers, we need to resolve to purposefully and intentionally live our lives in community with each other. We’ve talked about why it’s important to do that, and we’ve talked about dealing with conflict amongst ourselves. Today I want to take a look at church life, and at our personal responsibilities as they relate specifically to being a part of the Body of Christ.

Commitment. We humans can be very committed when we want to be. We stay loyal to our team even when they’ve been on the losing side for years on end. We throw ourselves into a project so fully that even when we aren’t working on it, we’re thinking about it. On the flip side, we can be really wishy-washy, too. (Come on – you know it’s true.) Our treadmills become clothes hangers. We end the call when we’ve been on hold for more than 5 minutes. We start things and never finish them. Those are pretty benign examples, but you and I both know that our commitment – or lack thereof – also extends to much more serious arenas. Jobs, friendships, marriages… churches, too! Our commitment level shines through and becomes very apparent to others when they look at the way we handle our most important responsibilities. When something becomes a struggle, do we dig in and try our hardest to work through it, or do we give up all too easily?

Having been involved in ministry for a number of years, PJ and I have seen all levels of commitment within the members of the church body. There are those who rarely miss a single service or Bible study, are devoted to prayer, and always volunteer when there is an opportunity to help out. Then there are those who attend services just a few times a year and reach out mainly when they have a need for prayer or financial assistance. The local church is made up of all types, but the majority seem to fall somewhere in the middle of these two opposites. So, what happens when someone feels vulnerable, gets offended, or is wounded in a church? There does often seem to be a correlation between a person's level of commitment and the way that they react to difficulty in the church. Here are a few different responses we have noticed: Sometimes, people react by making an effort to find healing and restoration of unity within the group; sometimes, they react by going and finding a new group of people to worship with; and at other times, they completely pull away from anything that has to do with the church or organized religion. People in the last group don’t necessarily walk away from their relationship with God, but they certainly will walk away from their relationship with the church. Here’s the thing, though (and yes, I realize I’m repeating myself again): We were designed by our Creator to live in community with one another. Community is sometimes messy, and imperfect - because we aren't perfect people. And you know what else? Community requires commitment.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

- Ephesians 4: 2-6 (NIV)

Now, I’m not saying it’s always easy to stay connected; but I am saying it’s worth it. God called us to it, and He knows what He’s doing. He knows we lose a lot when we become isolated from each other. Keep in mind – not everything worthwhile is always easy. Raising kids is worthwhile, but sure not easy. Marriage is a blessing, but it’s also hard work. Undertaking a physical training program takes a lot of effort, but it pays off in the end. There are certain things we do that we are determined not to give up on, no matter how difficult things get. What would happen if we extended that never-give-up attitude towards maintaining relationships in our church and in the wider community of believers? How would that change things?

“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

- Ephesians 4: 11-16 (NIV)

It’s true, God knows what challenges we will face as we do life together. However, He also knows what blessings we will reap through being involved in each other’s lives. Yes, at times I have been hurt by my fellow believers. More than I care to think about, actually. But I have also been richly blessed by them – even sometimes by the same people who have previously wounded me. We bless each other when we pray for each other, share meals, and work side by side. We talk with each other – sharing what we have learned, or what we struggle with. We lean on each other. We help each other in practical and tangible ways. We give. We support one another when one of us is struggling. We challenge one another. We keep each other accountable. We care. We love. We become a family, and we truly become the Body of Christ. There is a certain amount of vulnerability that is required to reap the blessings, and that’s what I wish I would have realized long ago. If we remain guarded and closed off from one another, then we do not give or receive fully. If we frequently switch churches or keep hunting for the next bigger or better thing, then we lose the opportunity to develop deep and meaningful relationships.

To quote PJ (from a sermon some time ago), “Unity happens around who God is. To see unity in our church, we must seek God first. Unity starts at a personal level, then expands corporately. We will reach more people together than we ever will separately.” If we put our focus on God and on serving Him, then petty disagreements can take a backseat to the work of the Kingdom. Often, we become so fixated upon our personal convictions that have nothing to do with godliness, that we spend all our time trying to convince people to see things our way rather than doing the things God has actually called us to do. That’s a dangerous path to tread! The harm in it is that we end up pushing people away from the Lord, rather than towards Him. Instead of seeing the value of a relationship with the Lord, and the value of being part of a church, they just see people who are pushy and narrow-minded. This can cause some of our fellow believers to decide that it’s not worth being part of a church community. It can also cause unbelievers to extend that perception onto all Christians they encounter. If the world is going to reject us, let it be for Christ, and not for some silly soapbox moment! We can learn to work together, and we can learn to work through our differences and disagreements together. When we truly put Christ first in our lives, and prioritize our relationship with Him above all else, we begin to realize that some of the things we are expending our energy and efforts to fight about just aren’t worth it. He rearranges our priorities. When we live a life of selflessness and service to God, it changes us for the better.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one – I in them and you in me – so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”

- John 17: 20-23 (NIV)

Yes, I admit… sometimes I kind of want to run off into the hills, be far away from people, and keep livestock for company instead. (Goats. I want goats. And a pony.) Seems less complicated. 😉

…BUT…

I’m choosing instead to trust God and stay involved with my fellow believers, imperfect as we all are. I’m making that choice with the knowledge that I’ll likely get hurt sometime again. I’m believing that God’s faithfulness will carry me through. Nope, it’s not always easy, but I do believe it will be worth it.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

- Philippians 2: 1-4 (NIV)

Please Note: Though commitment is very important, I’m not saying that we should put up with abuse, overlook a toxic church culture, or ignore an upside-down church leadership structure. In some situations, conflict cannot be resolved despite our best efforts. Someday there may come a time when it is necessary for you to separate yourself from certain individuals, or remove yourself from a certain church. Please don’t make that type of decision lightly. Don’t base it on an emotional reaction. Pray. Talk to someone you trust. Forgive the offending party. Then pray some more. If you do end up making the decision to find a new church body, please remember that your current pastor is invested in your life. They care for you and they love you as a brother or sister in Christ. Give them the courtesy of a face-to-face, honest conversation about what’s going on. By and large, they’d prefer to bless you as you leave, rather than see you just kind of sneak out the back door.

The Community of Believers, Part Two:

Facing Conflict

In my last post (read it here if you haven’t yet), I presented a challenge to us as believers:  To resolve to purposefully and intentionally live our lives in community with each other. Throughout the entirety of the Bible, we read of the importance of unity within the Body of Christ. However, history shows us that the church has always struggled to maintain a sense of unity in spite of our differences. Current events reveal that this hasn’t changed. Without a doubt, it will be something that we always have to work at. Today’s post builds off of the last one, and specifically addresses those times when our fellow believers disagree with us and/or do things that are irritating, malicious, or hurtful.

If the challenge we have is to live in community, then the solution ought to be simple, right? Just do it! Be an active church member. Share. Help your neighbor. Be a caring friend. Mentor and disciple those newer in the faith. And so forth.

Whoa, hold on a minute! Not so fast… We are talking about people here, after all. People make mistakes. People can be fickle, and downright mean. I could sit here and relate how I’ve been hurt by people. I could complain. It might even feel kind of good to voice what has happened, and what I think of certain individuals because of it. And because I know you’ve had similar experiences, too (everyone has), you could commiserate with me. Together we could add more bricks to the walls that we build to keep ourselves at a distance from our fellow man.

I’ll be honest with you – I have lived that way at times. At some point I started building walls. I suspect that many, if not all, of us have to some extent. I remember being in elementary school, and something happening between a friend and I. Whatever happened has long been erased from my memory – I’m sure it was nothing particularly traumatic – but I can still vividly remember the feeling of betrayal that I was left with. I’m not sure if this was when I started being more guarded with people or not, but I’m positive that it contributed. Over time, additional experiences added to my skepticism about getting too close to many people. I spent many years as a bitter and reactive person… though most people didn’t know me that way. It was mainly an internal struggle, really only noticed by a few who were closest to me. When it caused me the most trouble was when I needed to reach out for help, because I couldn’t do it. My pride and distrust were strong and I didn’t overcome them for a long time. It ended up taking a desperate situation to produce some change in that area of my life. I wish I would have realized sooner…

Offense. Betrayal. Distrust. Bitterness. We need to realize that the enemy fully intends to use these types of wounds to his advantage (and our detriment). If given an inch, he will take a mile. He wants to push us apart. He wants us to remain walled-off and guarded against each other, because he knows that when we are together, we are stronger. We need to learn to fight smart! Our battle is not really against the person standing in front of us, it is with the enemy positioned behind them. When we pray for discernment and start to learn to recognize the devil’s schemes, then we can look at what’s happening and say, “No. Not today. I’m not going to walk into that trap.”

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”

- Ephesians 6: 10-13 (NIV)

Regardless of how we feel when we are wounded, allowing ourselves to become bitter and hardened against people just isn’t the answer. Our emotions can be extremely misleading. Putting up walls in an attempt to protect ourselves so that we don’t get hurt again won’t ever work. It won’t even make us feel better. In doing this, we’ll just find ourselves growing in hatred and becoming more and more isolated, as I did. What we initially thought was a healthy independence will become a toxic poison, eating away at us. We simply weren’t designed to live that way. Being hurt stinks, obviously. There’s no way around that. No one chooses to be hurt. When we are hurt, though, we have a choice to make. What are we going to do? How are we going to respond? Will we immediately react defensively based on our emotions? Will we wound others in return? Will we allow that emotional, knee-jerk reaction to run our lives from here on out? Or, will we pray and seek the Lord’s help to contend with our emotions before we react? Will we deal with those who hurt us in a Biblical manner (Matthew 18: 15-17)? Will we forgive and allow God to heal our lives so that we can move on and be free from the burdens that others tried to place on us?

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

- Colossians 3: 13 (NIV)

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

- John 13: 34-35 (NIV)

I’ve said it before, and I’m going to keep on saying it: God meant for us to live in community with other believers. He created us with that need. And yes, He knows people! He knows what challenges we will face as we get involved in each other’s lives. PJ and I – it’s no secret that we aren’t perfect. You don’t have to ask around to try and get the scoop; we’ll tell you that ourselves. Guess what? You’re not perfect either! Neither is the person sitting next to you in the pew, the guy running the sound board, the greeter at the front door, or the individual filling the pulpit. Mistakes will certainly be made. Though I’m sure there are exceptions, most of us don’t join a church with a deliberate bent towards injuring someone else’s heart. Invariably at some point it happens, though… because no one is perfect and we all make errors. As in any relationship, work is required. Truly loving others requires making a conscious choice to do so.

Our emotions will have us wavering all over the place if we follow them; but it we remain centered on God, we will be better able to deal with our ever-changing feelings. If we want to maintain strong, healthy relationships within the community of believers, it is absolutely essential that we begin by looking at ourselves. Our first priority needs to be maintaining a close relationship with our Lord through prayer and reading the Word. We can’t skip over that part, as the rest will build upon this foundation.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

- Philippians 4: 6-7 (NIV)

“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

- 2 Timothy 3: 16-17 (NIV)

The conversation continues! Let's take a deeper look at church life, and at our personal responsibilities. I’ll be wrapping up this series of posts soon with, “The Community of Believers, Part Three (Taking Action).”

Click here to read Part Three.

The Community of Believers, Part One:

The Challenge

The very first man on earth was alone. Well, not exactly all alone. God was there with him. He was, however, lacking human company. While we don’t know exactly how long Adam was solo, we do know that it was long enough for his loneliness to become plainly apparent. God’s response to this was, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) Thus, God created the very second person on earth – a woman, to be the man’s helpmate. God recognized and provided for the need that the man had for relationship – and of course that was part of His plan all along. It is not good for us to be alone. From the very beginning we were designed to live in community with other people.

This past year was a tough one. Not one of us has gone without being affected in some way by the events of 2020. Now, believe it or not, we’re already over a month into 2021. Yeah. That went fast. Time flies… whether or not you’re having fun, it seems. I know many were hoping that the advent of a new year would also bring about a significant change in current events, but here we are. Not much has changed yet besides the date we write on our checks. In a lot of ways, the world seems like an unfamiliar and unfriendly place right now. Many of the things we used to believe we could always count on have become uncertain and unreliable. Unfortunately, this uncertainty and unreliability extends beyond the mere availability of toilet paper and cleaning products. In fact, it reaches to the very heart of our relationships with those around us.

From the coronavirus pandemic, and all the hot button issues surrounding it, to the extremely divisive political climate we are currently experiencing in the US – our communities have taken quite a hit. One year ago, we began by “social distancing” in an effort to protect them. However, in the course of time we have come to put much more than six feet of physical distance between ourselves. Social distancing has transitioned into emotional distancing and social isolation. People are pulling away from each other. Communities, and even families, are becoming fragmented. Neighbor is against neighbor. Friend against friend. Family against their own. Regardless of your personal political leanings, or your views on various other polarizing topics, I think we should all be able to agree that the amount of hostility that different factions are displaying towards each other is distressing and concerning. Far too often this discord is reaching into our churches, and that’s what I really want to focus on today.

What do we do when the person we are sitting next to in the pew on Sunday doesn’t precisely agree with our viewpoint? How do we deal with that? Do we allow our disagreements to drive a wedge in between us and our fellow believer? By doing so, we have accepted and adopted the standard practices of the world. This is a problem! As followers of Christ, we are called to adhere to a different standard. We don’t have to search very hard to find what God has to say about the topic in His Word – it’s in there quite literally from the beginning to the end.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”

– Psalm 133: 1 (NIV)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

– Ephesians 4: 2-6 (NIV)

“Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.”

– 1 Corinthians 12: 12-14 (NIV)

Consider what descriptive words we see in these passages referring to unity – good, pleasant, humble, gentle, patient, peace, one (body). I cannot reconcile these descriptions with much of what I see and hear happening both in individual churches and in the wider community of believers. Indeed, I notice a lot of the opposite happening. Far from being peaceable with one another, there is a great deal of strife. Instead of patience, we see contention. Division takes the place of oneness. This discord splinters the Body and causes us to become ineffective. Satan knows this! The enemy of our souls knows very well how much stronger we are when we live in community with each other. He knows how much weaker we are when we become secluded and alone.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

– Hebrews 10: 24-25 (NIV)

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

– Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (NIV)

Is it any wonder that he seems to be working overtime to sever the bonds that connect us? He is using such things as the pandemic (masks, social distancing, vaccines…), politics (taxes, immigration, voting…), and more (parenting styles, financial choices, butter vs. margarine 😉…) to splinter and divide. It should not be so! We aren’t talking about sin issues here. We’re talking mainly about things that are, at their root, just personal preferences. Whether or not I agree with you about masks shouldn’t affect my ability to fellowship with you. Your feelings about vaccines should have no bearing on whether or not I am willing to worship alongside you. I shouldn’t withhold my assistance from you when you’re in need based on your voting record. Your parenting style can be different than mine without causing a fall-out in our friendship. The challenge is this:  To resolve to purposefully and intentionally live our lives in community with each other. The key words there? Resolve. Purposefully. Intentionally. Just as loving our spouse is a purposeful and intentional choice that we make every single day (the lack of which will negatively affect our marriage), so maintaining relationship with our fellow believers is a purposeful and intentional choice we must make every single day, or we risk becoming more susceptible to the enemy’s attacks. A choice to let our emotions take over and lead our thoughts and actions is a choice to expressly ignore what we’ve clearly been called to do. Take some time to really think this over and prayerfully consider: Are my actions reflecting how Christ has called me to live, and thus proclaiming His love to those around me? Are my attitudes and emotions causing me to live in conflict with my fellow believer? Are there any adjustments I need to make to correct errors that I have made?

Achieving unity within the Body of Christ is not necessarily simple or easy. Community living can be downright difficult! How do we handle it when our fellow believers do things that are designed to pick at us, or are downright malicious and hurtful? It's not easy to deal with. I think it’s a topic that needs its own post, so check back later for, “The Community of Believers, Part Two (Facing Conflict).”

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

– Matthew 18: 20 (NIV)

Click here to read Part Two.