A Camp Story

We had a really long, cold, and particularly snowy winter here in Wyoming. It’s finally warming up, and we’re all super excited for camping season! (And also gardening!) Last year, we started our camping season off a little less than ideally. 

Here’s a story about that. I like to call it:

The Tale of the Tick

To be sure, he did not start off his day in a bid for fame and notoriety. He was just a small, unassuming American dog tick going about his usual business – looking for a bite. It was a cool and rainy day, and in the course of events, he happened to brush up against a young human girl who was trying to catch a fish. He thus began climbing up, searching for the perfect spot to hide and begin to feed. He didn’t make it… but he became a storied creature in the process.

Our family was all set to enjoy our first camping trip of the season. The weather forecast was rather foreboding (cold temperatures and around 2 inches of rain expected between when we were arriving and when we were heading home), but we opted to keep our reservation anyway. We arrived and got everything set up just before it started to rain, thankfully. The evening was cool, gray, and drizzly, but not too bad overall. 

The fishing crew.

PJ and the kids spent a good part of the time fishing, then we roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over the campfire for a late supper before getting ready for bed. We were all feeling pretty damp by then, but the camper was dry and warm and everyone fell asleep fairly quickly. It rained overnight, too. I know because one of the dogs woke me up at 3am and I could hear it on the roof. Fortunately, I was able to convince her to lay back down, because going outside to wander around in my pjs in the cold rain at 3am trying to find her the perfect spot to relieve herself (she’s picky…) didn’t sound appealing at all. I eventually got up with both dogs at 6:30 and took them out for a walk. It was still just drizzly when I left the campsite, but by the time I got back, the rain was picking up.

Now, it typically doesn’t really rain very much in Wyoming, especially in the summers. So, while we’ve had rain while camping before, it has always been a shower that lasted a few hours at most. We camp in a pop up – all six of us and the two dogs. It’s normally enough space, because we don’t really spend much time in the camper other than to sleep, and if need be, we can all hang out around the table and play games while the inclement weather moves on. This day was different. Once it picked up around 7-7:30am, it didn’t stop all day long, except for some brief times where the weather would tease you into coming outside, only to proceed to soak you again.

Met some of the locals.

It was a holiday weekend, and the campground was pretty full when we arrived. By mid-morning, almost everyone had cleared out – chased off early by the rain. In fact, besides us, there was only one other camper in our section, and it was right next to ours.

The park was putting on a kids’ wildlife/outdoor event in one of the pavilions, which we attended, then went for a drive before making a late lunch. 

Little bit of sunshine on a rainy day (Western Meadowlark).

After we ate, PJ started in making hot chocolate for the kids, who were all sitting around the pedestal-style table playing games. I was having second thoughts about this arrangement – mostly because the aforementioned table is about as steady as a toddler who’s trying to stand on one leg – but anyway, it was cold and dreary and hot chocolate sounded good. Two or three of the kids had their drinks setting on the table, and PJ was making the rest, when Mountain Girl (our older daughter) felt something crawling on her neck, asked her brother what it was, and proceeded to stand up out of her seat and scream bloody murder upon the reply, “Oh, it’s a tick!”

Abject. Chaos. Ensued.

MG was screaming at the top of her lungs and didn’t seem to be pausing to take a breath at all. The younger two kids were also shrieking and/or crying (from the shock of it all, most likely). Our oldest son was shouting for everyone to calm down. PJ was removing the tick (which wasn’t even attached). I was shouting, “What’s wrong?! Are you hurt?!” because somehow I missed the proclamation of “tick” and thought that she had burned herself with the hot chocolate. Next, MG begins wriggling and squirming because now she thinks she feels things crawling all over her and is just freaking out about it. I’m all, “Everyone hold their hot chocolate!” because I know what’s going to happen if the table gets bumped even one time… but in trying to pick up the hot chocolate, youngest daughter knocks hers over, and then another one spills, too. There is hot chocolate on people, on the table, on the games, the floor, and the seat cushions. In the course of cleaning things up, I decided to pitch the chocolate-soaked games, which set off a whole new round of wailing. It took a while for things to get back to normal…

The next day, our site neighbor joined us at our campfire for some conversation. Of course, someone asked her if she had heard the screaming the day before. She did (not sure how she could have missed it). In fact, it was enough to cause her and her friend (a nurse, incidentally) to leave their card game momentarily and check out the window of their camper. They said that they were concerned that someone was hurt, but after a moment they heard laughter and decided that everything must be okay. We were all okay… but also, none of us remember laughing. Hysterical wailing, yes. Laughing, not so much. 

In spite of everything, we stayed for the entire length of our reservation. Made a lot of memories for sure, and learned a few things (I think this is when we first realized that we’d begun to outgrow our compact little camper, which we bought several years ago when the kids were quite a bit smaller). As we were leaving, the sun finally started to peak out from behind the clouds (of course).

Larkspur.

It has been almost an entire year now since that fateful day. We just recently went on a hike in the Black Hills this spring. I warned everyone ahead of time, because I had read that the area has a lot of ticks in the spring and early summer. They weren’t kidding. The ticks were so thick that you could actually see them hanging onto the blades of dry grass along the trail. Got through the “I want to go back to the car!” freak out of the first half-mile with NO screaming, and went on to hike about six miles total. Picked a couple ticks off of our clothing that day, but not even the dogs had one latch on, so that was a plus.

Enjoy all your summer adventures, and try to stay calm in the face of ticks! 😉

 

Jonah, Me, and the Power of God

As I worked on this post a few days ago, the wind was howling and snow was swirling around the streetlights outside. Quite a drastic change from the day before, which had been a warm and gorgeous fall day. It often snows earlier than this, but we have actually enjoyed quite a mild fall so far this year. In fact, we just had our first frost within the last few weeks (about a month later than average). The leaves on the trees were slower to change, and stayed in color for longer than usual (or at least it seemed that way), though the pictures in this post were taken when things were past their peak.

We were on a walk a few weeks ago, enjoying the leaves, when PJ offhandedly commented to me that, “You haven’t written anything in a while.” I think I replied with something about us having been so busy over the past months, which was not untrue. In fact, I could list off any number of excuses as to why I haven’t been writing. Chiefly, though, the truth is that I just haven’t felt like it! I’ve lacked inspiration and motivation… and when you add that to the fact that it has been difficult to carve out time to sit down and start something, well, you see the result when you look at the date of my last post.

PJ’s remark was rather timely, though. I had, in fact, spent the previous several days mulling over a thought that I had while listening to the discussion at our most recent church Bible study, and writing about it was already something I was considering (albeit lightly). After his comment, he had gone on to suggest that I write about the adventures he has been having and the lessons he has been learning while working with a friend’s horse lately. Maybe I can convince him to write that post himself. 😉

Anyway, in the study I mentioned, we have been talking about different individuals from the Bible (most recently Jonah) in light of the overarching theme of hope. I like revisiting the familiar “Sunday School” stories from the Bible as an adult. You know – Daniel in the Lion’s Den, Noah’s Ark, the Fiery Furnace, and the like. I think I was a bit dismissive of them (in a sort of “I already know that story” type of way) during my teen and young adult years. I probably believed that I needed to move on to “deeper” things and put those child-friendly stories aside. But when you go back and reread those familiar tales – really digging into the scriptures this time, as well as using trusted resources to learn more about the customs and culture of those time periods – you start to pick out new details and notice things you never noticed before. What you “already knew” can take on a whole new light, and you may be surprised how God can use these “familiar” things to speak to you in a very personal way. They’re really not just for the kids!

Back to Jonah. You know the guy – tried to run from God, got swallowed up by a big fish and spit out – alive – three days later. He’s got a whole book in the Bible dedicated to his story and bearing his name. (If you haven’t read it recently, now is a great time to do it! It’s a short book – only four chapters. I’ll wait.)

🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

Finished? Great! 😁 So, this guy, Jonah. He is listed among the minor prophets of the Old Testament. As a prophet, he has the task of bringing the word of the Lord to the people, and God says to him, “Hey, I’ve got something you need to tell the people in the city of Nineveh.” Jonah doesn’t like this (he’s apparently got some history with the Ninevites), and he tries to run from God by boarding a ship that is headed in pretty much the exact opposite direction of where he is supposed to be going. The ship goes out with Jonah on board, and it isn’t too long before they run into trouble. A storm is threatening to break apart the boat and swamp them all. The sailors cast lots to see whose fault the storm is, and the lot falls to Jonah. At this point, he admits to them that he is running away from God. In light of his whole story, I find it very interesting how he describes God to them.

“So they (the sailors) asked him (Jonah), ‘Tell us, who is responsible for making all this trouble for us? What kind of work do you do? Where do you come from? What is your country? From what people are you?’ He answered, ‘I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.’”

– Jonah 1: 8-9 NIV (parentheses mine)

Jonah isn’t ignorant of the power of God. His very own words prove it. He clearly knows who God is. And yet, despite that, he still tries to take off and escape from what God asked him to do. Eventually, this ends up with him getting thrown into the sea, being swallowed by a fish that God provides to save his life, and living in the fish’s belly for three days. The Bible records a fairly short prayer of Jonah's from his time inside the belly of the fish, but I have a feeling he actually spent the entire three days conversing with the Lord. Eventually, God tells the fish to spit Jonah out, and he gets vomited up onto dry land. Imagine how it would feel to see the sunlight and feel solid ground under your feet again after an experience like that! The second time God asks Jonah to go to Nineveh, he does it. No more fish stomach time-outs for him… but we’re not quite done yet, either. So Jonah goes and passes along the word of warning from God for the city, and the people do a serious about-face and repent whole-heartedly. Because of this, God relents and does not destroy the city. The last chapter of Jonah begins with these words, “But to Jonah this seemed very wrong…” Yeah, God didn’t do what Jonah thought He should, and in response to this, we see Jonah’s fleshly nature rising up again. He basically throws a fit because he is angry that God is merciful to people that (he feels) don’t deserve that kind of compassion (…never mind that he, himself, has also been an undeserving recipient of God’s grace). He then isolates himself outside the city to watch and see if God changes His mind and destroys Nineveh anyway. God is still patient, but firm, as He then tries to guide Jonah to a deeper understanding of Him.

I’ve often wondered why Jonah thought it would be reasonable, or even possible, to run from God’s clear call on his life. Sure, I know that people in modern days, myself included, have been known to outright rebel against (or more subtly try to avoid) what we know God is asking of us… but Jonah lived in Old Testament times. Totally different situation, right? I mean, they talked directly with God, and we… oh.

Yeah… so… I guess people are human now, and people were human then, too. The people and the stories in the Bible become more relatable when we remember that fact and can avoid either “de-humanizing” them (thinking of them as emotionless puppets) or going to the other extreme and putting them on some sort of idealistic pedestal.

When I was summarizing Jonah’s story above, I may have sounded like I was being hard on him. However, I hope you realize that he really wasn’t all that much different from you or I, right down to being self-serving, prideful, and even at times thinking he probably knew better than God how to handle a situation. All of these are things that most human beings are prone to. So, the thought I had during our Bible study was this: I wonder if Jonah (human as I am) was guilty of doing something else that I tend to do probably even more often than I realize – diminishing the power of God in my own mind.

Jonah knew God. I know God, too, right? I go to church, pray, and read my Bible (though not as frequently as I ought to). I share Him with others – blogging, talking with friends, sharing a worship song I appreciate, or a book I read, praying for someone, etc. The thing is, when troubles come in my life, I am so quick to allow myself to be consumed by worry. Yes, I’ll pray about the situation. Yes, I’ll say (and even believe!) that I’m trusting God. But many times, my thought life reveals a different story altogether. In my own mind, I’m not displaying trust. I’m worrying! I’m panicking! I’m an anxiety-ridden mess on the inside… but why? I know of God’s power. I know who He is. I have experienced His faithfulness in the past. I know that He is trustworthy and good. So why am I behaving like I don’t know these things and have never heard them before in my life? In my mind – somewhere between my knowledge of God and my fear of what I can’t control – I’ve downplayed God’s power. Instead of taking a stand on what I know and believe, I’ve allowed Satan’s influence to seep in and cause me to question and doubt. Instead of praying and truly trusting… I’m praying and wondering. I’m acting as if I do not believe what I say I believe – just like Jonah did. Instead of acting upon what I know, I’ve tried to flee to a far-off city, the storm is raging, and I’m telling the people with me that my God is the creator of heaven and earth EVEN THOUGH I’m acting like maybe I think I created it all, instead. (In case you’re wondering – yes, I winced as I wrote that. Thought about retracing my steps and deleting it, but then decided that, yes, it probably was pretty accurate and I should leave it as is. Ouch.)

The challenge that Jonah and I (and you!) face is learning how to die to self Every. Single. Day. This is, without a doubt, going to be a process. We’re going to do well at times, and at other times we’re going to fail. It is going to be something we’ll mostly likely be working on for the rest of our lives, and that’s because it goes against our very nature. Human nature makes it all about ME, but the story of the world is about HIM.

Want to hear something encouraging? God saw fit to use Jonah to be his messenger, and make no mistake – He knew Jonah’s character. God knew it even better than Jonah knew it himself, and yet He still chose to send an imperfect servant forth to spread His word. Just the same, God knows ME. God knows us ALL. Every last bit! Our pastor likes to say that there is one thing that God cannot do: God cannot find a perfect person to carry out His work. And yet, knowing what He does, He still chooses us to be His hands and feet in the world. How amazing is that?! What an awesome responsibility we have been given. It should truly humble us.

The account of Jonah in the Bible ends rather abruptly. Where did he go from there? Did he mature in his faith after Nineveh, or did he continue to struggle? We may not know the end of Jonah’s story, but we do have a say in what happens in our story. There is a choice to be made every single day we wake up, and it begins in our mind. Will we acknowledge God’s authority, or will we make an attempt to diminish His position in our lives and in the world? I’m so thankful that God is patient with us when we make poor choices, just as He was with Jonah, aren’t you? He won’t just hang us out to dry and move on to the next person, but it is important to swallow our pride and maintain a teachable attitude. Hardened clay cannot be modeled.

The Creator of the universe loves and values you. He doesn’t look down on you, but walks with you. He tasks you with the most important job ever – leading others to know Him through your words and actions – and He never fails to support you through it all. Be encouraged, and be blessed.

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

-Ephesians 4: 22-24 (NIV)

 

*Photos taken by me on Hell Canyon Trail in South Dakota's Black Hills.

 **Scripture references taken from the NIV Bible unless otherwise mentioned.

Essential (Though Unplanned) Remodeling

Just after Christmas, our family made the trek back east for a long-overdue visit with family and friends. It had been three years since our last trip, which was the longest stretch for us in quite a while. We were supposed to go in the spring of 2020, but that got delayed by personal circumstances, and also Covid, and then we moved and bought a house and everything… and, well, things don’t always go according to plan (as I’m sure you know). All of us were quite grateful that we were finally able to do it! We had a wonderful time celebrating Christmas and catching up with everyone. PJ and I finally got to meet our first niece (she’s a cutie!). The kids had a blast playing and sledding with their cousins. We always enjoy watching the changing scenery as we cross the country, although we did have some winter weather and nasty road conditions to deal with on both ends of the trip this time. (Thanking God for a safe journey!) It was quite the adventure – nearly 4,000 miles with 2 adults, 4 kids, and 2 dogs in one vehicle (along with all our luggage, snacks, and Christmas gifts) – yeah, we made memories! Of course, it is always so good to get back home and get settled back into (somewhat of a normal) routine, and that’s where we’re at now.

Not too long before we left, maybe early December, our master bedroom closet experienced a catastrophic transformation. Ha. (I can sort of laugh about it now.) Imagine, if you will, a quiet house in the early morning hours. (Except it wasn’t actually that early. And, if I remember right, the kids were already starting to stir. I probably should have been up by then, but PJ had just come home and gone to sleep after getting off work, and being next to him and sleeping for a little while longer myself won out over breakfast and chores. Anyway… it FELT like the early morning hours to me. 😁) Not too long after I drifted back to sleep there was an enormous crash. I woke up screaming because (obviously) I didn’t know what was going on. PJ was just tired, and I think a bit annoyed at being woken up, because he said to me, “Why are you screaming?” like it was no big deal. Clearly, I was screaming because it sounded like the roof was falling in! I mean, come on! 😜 Upon investigating, the source of the disturbance became quite clear. The big, 7-foot-long, jam-packed-full shelf (and attached clothing rod) in our bedroom closet had decided it had had enough and attempted to detach itself from the wall. It mostly succeeded and was left dangling at a crazy angle by a few determined support bars. All the boxes and things up top had been deposited onto the floor, and the clothing was in a giant heap underneath it all. In hindsight… that poor shelf was probably WAY overloaded. The dumb thing, though, is that it had been that way for over a year before it “randomly” decided to fall off the wall. I say “randomly” because there is a slight chance that it may have been my fault that it came down. Maybe. 😬 About a week before it happened, PJ had been looking for something in the closet and took down a plastic tote. It got left on the floor for a time, but just hours before everything fell, I had been cleaning up and had put it back. We had just your basic white wire closet shelving, and what PJ thinks happened is that I accidentally unhooked one of the support bars when I replaced the tote, and that may have been enough to send it to the floor. The tote did kind of catch on something on the edge of the shelf a little, but I didn’t think much about it at the time. Oops.

A couple of days later we stopped in at the home store. I think, originally, we were just going to price out a replacement shelf and support bars since our old ones sustained some damage during the fall and couldn’t be put back up. We found what we were looking for right away. Then, PJ said, “…or, would you rather have something like this?” which led us to walk a little farther down the aisle to look at some other options. We may or may not have gotten sucked in by all the different closet displays – which became progressively more elaborate and appealing the farther we walked. And we may or may not have decided to redesign and remodel the entire thing by the time we left the store. (I’m guessing there’s a pretty good reason that they take the time to set up those fancy, space-consuming displays…) Being that we were simultaneously prepping for both Christmas and a road trip at that time, as well as trying to fit in as many school days as possible before vacation, fixing the closet was not exactly of highest priority. It was going to have to wait until after our trip, so as a result, our bedroom was a huge mess for about two whole months. All those closet contents had to go somewhere, after all, so they got piled all around the room wherever they fit (and even where they didn’t). We even had a bathtub full of clothing for a while, until I finally folded it all and put it in a suitcase (don’t worry… we have a separate shower…).

Fast-forward past Christmas and the trip, and it was time to tackle our project. I had an idea of how I wanted it to look, but PJ is the one who had the skills and expertise to make it happen. My plan wasn’t terrible, but there were a few problems with it. PJ made some modifications so that it would turn out better, and then we worked together to build it. Now that it’s done, we think it looks fantastic, and it is really a lot sturdier, and a better use of the available space, when compared to what we had before. When we started putting our things back in the closet, it turned out to be a good time to declutter, too. So, all in all, it wasn’t a bad thing that it happened the way it did (though it didn’t exactly seem positive at the beginning of it).

There are always, always things that happen in life that weren’t what we were planning on. The minor ones pass us by quickly with little long-term effects. (The storm cancelled our plans? Okay, we’ll figure out something else to do. The car got a flat? Alright, we’ll get it fixed.) But the bigger stuff can really throw us for a loop. Our initial response to these types of events is often (understandably) shock, grief, anger, and/or other reactionary emotions. But, after some time has passed, how we choose to continue to deal with what happened can significantly alter our path forward. Are we going to dwell in that place of pain and raw emotion and/or put walls up in an attempt to defend ourselves? Will we turn to any number of readily available distractions as a way of escape, or fill our waking hours with as much busyness as we can so we don’t have time to think about it? Will we reject God, or reach for Him? Unexpected, uncomfortable, and even awful things that occur in our lives can be avenues for God to bring about significant growth and improvement in us personally, but it takes some action and hard work on our part as well.

If the shelf had not fallen, we probably never would have changed anything in our closet. We really had no motivation to make any adjustments as long as it was doing its job properly. But fall it did, which in turn prompted us to put forth some effort and make the changes which greatly improved the closet’s functionality for us. Not unlike the closet, I myself would probably never change if left to my own devices. If everything was predictable and happened exactly as I planned, I’d really have no reason to. I’d find what worked for me and continue living that way probably forever. However, like water in a pond that lacks the proper drainage, I would eventually become stagnant. Nothing grows without changing in some way. If I didn’t change as I grew, my life would reflect my inability to move and I wouldn’t end up being a good wife, mother, or friend.

Everything that happens in our lives has the potential to influence how we change and grow – be it positive or negative in results. What makes the difference? God is the key. Unless God is leading and guiding us, the change resulting from a negative situation will likely be negative in nature – hardening our heart, distancing us from others, making us more vulnerable to the devil’s temptations, separating us from the body of Christ. God is the key… but we (and our attitudes) are the lock. If we are inflexible, bitter, self-centered, angry, or closed off, we are like a rusted old lock that has seized up and will not turn. It is necessary for us to soften towards the Lord, put our hope and faith in Him, and allow Him to have unfettered access into our lives – every part of them – to affect real change. Just as it was necessary for me to be flexible in regards to the design I laid out for the closet so that my husband could use his construction experience to make it better, so we also need to defer to the expert – the very One who set the world in motion and designed life itself. Nothing surprises Him! He already knows what we are going to face in every season of our life.

Yes, God will work on our hearts, but the final outcome does depend on us, too. It will be necessary for us to work at it, and it won’t always be easy. We’ll need to do hard things, like forgive someone who wronged us, for example. It will require perseverance and determination to keep moving in the right direction. God won’t force us to accept His guidance, either. We’ll have to strive to stay open to the Lord and be sensitive to how He is leading us.

To be honest, you likely won’t see the value in times like these when you’re in the trenches. You may not even realize how they benefited you until years later. That’s where trust in God is vital. Many of the times I want to look back on with disdain are the very times I NEEDED the most. I couldn’t recognize it then, but I’m starting to see it now. They’ve made me who I am today by bringing about necessary change. That doesn’t mean there was anything enjoyable about those times at all, or that I would care to repeat them – simply that I can recognize the value they hold by what they did in my life through the transforming power of God. And also, I can picture where I’d be at if the resultant change hadn’t happened.

Have I always experienced positive change as a result of negative events? No. There are definitely times when I have allowed my emotions to run off with me and dictate my responses, rather than turning things over to the Lord and allowing Him to lead me. Even in areas where I have experienced positive growth, dwelling on the pain of the associated past events can sometimes tempt me to adjust my current response to them and give way to anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness. I don’t always work at cultivating an attitude that is receptive towards change. God isn’t done working on me – that’s a lifelong process. 😊

As I post this, we have just entered the season of Lent. This is traditionally a time to do some self-examination as we approach the Easter season and reflect on all that Jesus has done for us. It’s a time set aside to take stock of our lives – count our inventory, if you will. Are we holding onto anxiety? Stockpiling bitterness or unforgiveness? Retaining pain or fear caused by traumatic events? Is there something you’re facing now, or have faced in the past, that you need to give over to the Lord so that He can work in your life?  Of course, you can do self-examination anytime – not just during Lent – but many times we don’t because we really just want to keep putting it off for as long as possible. I’d encourage us all (myself included) not to wait any longer. Put aside hesitation or fear, take a good, hard look, and spend a lot of time in prayer over it. God is faithful.

(Talking to your pastor or a Christian counselor is often very beneficial, so don’t hesitate to seek help if you need it.)

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: 

The old has gone, the new is here!"

- 2 Corinthians 5: 17 (NIV)

A Sparrow in Hand

Apparently, birds enjoy half-ripe tomatoes. We learned that this summer. The first of the tomatoes in our garden were just about ready to pick, and we were waiting in anticipation. Then one day we noticed odd, triangular gashes appearing on the orangey-red, not-quite-ripe fruits. Birds! And they weren’t even always eating the whole tomato – mostly just biting into it and leaving the rest to rot. Grrr. The kids kept an eye on the garden and caught the culprits red-handed (red-beaked?) – a small, but persistent, flock of noisy, black grackles. I hung up some shiny aluminum pie plates to attempt to scare them off and ordered a piece of garden netting. When it arrived, PJ and I draped it over top of the plants and tucked it snugly down around the sides. Those birds weren’t going to ruin our whole harvest! When we installed the net, I remember mentioning to the kids that we needed to keep an eye out, as birds could potentially become entangled in it and need us to rescue them. I remember that happening once or twice in my family’s small strawberry patch when I was growing up. Fortunately, the first week passed by incident-free… and the next… and the next…

Summer rolled on, hot and dry, then hardly skipped a beat as the seasons changed. We normally have a decent frost, if not a hard freeze, by mid-September, but early fall was unseasonably warm this year and we were still harvesting tomatoes into early October. (This past week, however, I was shoveling 2–3-foot snow drifts off of our driveway… but I digress.)

Anyway…

It was late September. The netting remained in place around the tomatoes, though we hadn’t seen any birds near the garden since our first bout with that thieving flock of grackles. At least, that was true until a couple of weeks ago. PJ was at work, and the kids and I were having a rather lazy day at home. A couple of the kids had colds and weren’t feeling the greatest, so we had been lounging around the house, watching some TV and resting. At some point, our younger son looked out the window and spotted a few birds in the garden near the tomatoes. He called me over to take a look. (I’m a bit of a bird nerd, and the kids know that, so they’re always asking me to identify whatever feathered friend – fiend??? – they’ve spotted.) By the time I left the kitchen and walked over to the window, however, two of the birds had flown off. I was, though, just in time to see the third one frantically flapping as it tried to get away from the netting. The boys and I quickly went outside. It was a rescue mission!

The bird, a sparrow, was clearly quite distressed by its current situation. Somehow it had managed to get itself underneath the net, and I thought it was also entangled in the fine mesh. As I approached it, however, it took off and flew to the other side of the tomato patch… and straight into the other side of the netting. I tried a second time to get near it, and for a second time it took off in the opposite direction, but it was still foiled by the barely visible netting and became trapped yet again. At last, I managed to get hold of the frightened creature. It briefly stopped struggling as I gently and carefully disentangled it.

It really is a privilege to behold the intricacies of creation up close. From a distance we see a small, plain, brown bird. Up close, it seems to undergo a Cinderella-type transformation right before our eyes, as we begin to notice the many colors and variations in its feathers and the minute details in its eyes, beak, and feet. They are smaller and lighter than you think they should be, and when in hand it feels like you’re holding almost nothing but a bit of fluff. Though I was working quickly, I was in awe of every tiny detail – each and every part of which was meticulously thought out by a loving Creator. Every last feature speaking of Him.

I almost had the little guy completely freed when I relaxed my hand ever so slightly to try and get a piece of the net that looked like it was stuck under or wrapped around its wing. The bird had been biding its time, and took full advantage of that moment as it exploded out of my hand and upward into the sky. So close to my face it was that I could feel the puffs of air created by its wingbeats. The boys and I watched as it flew a short distance to the fence at the bottom of our yard, where it perched and rested for quite a long while, beak wide open, trying to regain its composure after its perceived near-death experience.

It felt satisfying to release the bird back to freedom. A good deed done for the day, and something to interrupt the monotony. I went back inside, got busy cleaning up the house a bit and caring for sick kids, and didn’t think much more of the experience at all.

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The next evening, I went to Women’s Bible Study at our church. It was the first night of a new study, and as an opener we were given a sheet of paper with the following questions to consider:

1. Which name and attribute of Jesus have you most depended on in this season of your life, and why?

2. Which name and attribute of Jesus do you need to grow more in understanding and dependence upon – and why?

Attached pages included many names and attributes of Jesus for us to mull over. We took several minutes to write out our answers, and then were given the opportunity to share. As I listened to the ladies around me expressing their thoughts, I noticed that many of their responses were quite similar to what I had jotted down on my own paper. [Side Note: We often tend to convince ourselves that we are alone in our struggles, but it’s just not true. Taking time to fellowship with others can relieve that feeling of isolation by helping us to realize that there are others who are at the same place we are, or have been at that place in the past. Building healthy relationships that provide mutual understanding and support can benefit all of us greatly as we navigate the often muddy waters of life.]

Partway through the sharing time, one dear friend was sharing a story about obedience and apple fritters when she said, “I held it in my hand…” and raised her cupped hand to demonstrate how she was holding the item in question. The bird instantly flashed into my thoughts. I remembered how I had held it in my hand, with my fingers cupped around its body to hold its wings still as I freed it from the net. I thought of how afraid it was, though I was only there to help. And I thought, “Am I scared of my Savior?”

Are you scared of your Savior? That’s kind of a weird question, and right off the bat you may say, “No. Of course not.” (And you might also be thinking, “Are you crazy?”) Allow me to explain. In the situation with the bird, I was its savior. Its only hope for rescue. Its only path to freedom. And yet, it was terrified. It tried desperately to get away from me. It did not know what I was doing, and it feared the worst. The little sparrow was afraid of its very savior… and as I sat there at Bible Study with that group of women, what I realized is that I can be The. Very. Same. Way. Not that I’m necessarily trying to run away from God, or escape from His presence, but definitely that I allow myself to get worked up and anxious when I don’t know what He is doing in my life, or when I feel like I cannot see Him working in a certain situation.

When it came to my turn to share, I answered the first question by saying that within this season of my life (roughly the last two years or so), I have most depended upon Jesus as Provider, Advocate, and Redeemer; and I have relied heavily upon His faithfulness and trustworthiness. Then, I also shared that I realized that my answer to the second question – what I need to grow more in understanding and dependence upon – was roughly the same as my answer to the first question! I explained how, even though I have seen God clearly and experienced His goodness in these specific ways (and also in others), I still have an inclination to struggle in those same areas when I face something new (or even when I face an old struggle for a second, or tenth, time). I told the story of the bird and its fear of its savior, and I expressed how I think I am like the bird. Sometimes I seem to be afraid of my Savior. When I don’t know what God is doing (which, let’s face it, is probably most of the time), that’s a real big opportunity for me to allow fear to take over. It invades my thoughts. It affects my actions. It tries to convince me that, even though God was trustworthy the last time, it doesn’t mean that He will be this time… after all, this is a totally different situation! My fear wants to rule my life, but my fear is a lie and it comes from the father of lies, who would like nothing more than for me to doubt my God.

“Hold up. Isn’t the fear of God Biblical?” you may be asking. Well… yes, and no. When the Bible talks about the fear of the Lord and how that is a good thing – a discipline we should practice – it isn’t speaking of actual fright. It doesn’t mean that we should feel like cowering or running away when God draws near to us. It doesn’t mean that we need to be afraid of God’s plans and actions in our lives. The following verses will provide some context:

“You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!”

- Psalm 22: 23 (NIV)

“Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.”

- Psalm 33: 8-9 (NIV)

“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.”

- Psalm 33: 18 (NIV)

“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”

- Psalm 40: 3 (NIV)

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

- Proverbs 9: 10 (NIV)

“The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.”

- Proverbs 14: 27 (NIV)

The fear of the Lord is mentioned in these verses right alongside of such terminology as, “praise,” “honor,” “revere,” “hope,” “love,” “deliver,” “trust,” “wisdom,” and “fountain of life.” So what is the fear of the Lord? Among the definitions of “fear” at merriam-webster.com, we see what we are looking for: “profound reverence and awe especially toward God.” The other definitions of fear just don’t fit here. We cannot genuinely praise and honor someone we are terrified of. We won’t revere someone who uses their power to intimidate and manipulate us. We don’t fully place our hope or trust in an individual who scares us. In no way can fright be described as a “fountain of life.” As I’ve heard it explained, to fear the Lord means to revere Him, to honor Him, to respect who He is. Fearing the Lord means acknowledging His supreme authority. It is looking with wonder at the power displayed in His creation, and realizing that the Creator himself is immeasurably more mighty. It is being intensely humbled and falling on our knees in grateful worship when the gravity of what Jesus did for us on the cross hits us. It is admitting that we are sinners in desperate need of His grace and love.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand the fear of the Lord at all. To me, at that time, fear was fear (as in being afraid). I knew that didn’t quite add up with what I knew of God… but it was one of those things I was really confused by, and if it was clearly explained to me back then, it definitely didn’t sink in. I think I have a little better grasp of it now, but, as in most things, I’m sure there is a lot more to learn. We should always be students!

So, am I afraid of my Savior? Here’s my answer: I don’t feel like I’m afraid of God, but often, when I’m facing something I don’t know how to deal with, I act like I am. I display this in various ways as I try to handle things on my own instead of trusting and relying on Him. PJ and I have moved relatively often since we’ve been married, and each time we did (with maybe one exception), it was because we felt specifically directed by God to relocate to a certain area. Our most recent move was about a year ago. Now, being no stranger to the moving process, and also having had very specific confirmations that it was the right time and place for us to make that change, you would think that it would have felt like smooth sailing. However, I definitely dealt with a lot of anxiety and stress over a period of several long months, and I constantly questioned if we were actually doing the right thing. (“Did God really say…?”) That’s just one example, but I could name others. Other situations where, despite God’s continued faithfulness and provision, I still worry each and every time I run up against them. He knows everything I am facing now and will ever face in the future, and He has my best interests at heart. He’s not going to suddenly leave me alone in a proverbial ditch somewhere and run off to go do something else. He’s just not. He’s going to be faithful because that is who He is! He cannot possibly be unfaithful because that would go against His very nature. Yes, I am free to make my own decisions – even if what I choose isn’t the best and/or even if it is outside of God’s perfect will for my life – but even when I do that, He is always with me, walking alongside me, waiting for me to turn back and do things His way instead. My fear – my anxiety and worry and stress – that’s proof of my own failings, not His. He’s never done anything to deserve my doubt or mistrust.

“I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” 

- Deuteronomy 32: 3-4 (NIV)

Life isn’t perfect, of course. Even when we are doing things God’s way. There are bills to pay, illnesses to deal with, relationships to work on, attitudes to adjust, unexpected disasters, and much, much more… We have a very real enemy who is working overtime to overwhelm and distract us. He tries to throw that netting of confusion over us and trap us. His goal is to get us to stay focused on ourself, because he knows that we are a threat to him if we stay focused on the Lord and keep a Kingdom mindset. We are, however, no measurable threat at all when we are focused on ourself. What can we do? How can we counteract this nefarious strategy? Prayer. Obedience. Trust. The sparrow could have relaxed in my hand as I worked to release it. It would have been completely safe. How much stress it could have saved itself if only it had known its savior! When I am having trouble setting aside my fear and placing my trust in my Savior, I should begin by reminding myself who He is. Read the Word. Jot down the names, attributes, and promises of God that I find there. Post them where I can see them every day. Pray and thank Him for his faithfulness. Thank Him for rescuing me. Trust that He will work all things together for good.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

- Romans 8: 14-15 (NIV)

Same type of sparrow (juvenile white-crowned sparrow), having a rather more relaxing day.