The Art of Spiritual Mentoring

I'm really excited about today's post! A few weeks ago, I had been thinking about writing a post on spiritual mentoring as sort of a follow-up to the series I did recently on the importance of living in community with other believers (you can read the series here: "The Community of Believers"). Supporting each other in the Christian walk is a big part of living in community, and mentoring is an important Biblical concept that can be a great way to support another believer, or to receive support yourself. PJ and I have been blessed to have each had several spiritual mentors over the years, and we've had a few people we've mentored as well. We definitely recognize the benefits and the importance of this practice. Our mentors have been able to speak into our lives in many different areas, and we have valued their Godly advice and guidance. When we were first married and just starting out in ministry, we had a more experienced pastor couple take us under their wing and mentor us in the areas of ministry and marriage. This was invaluable to us. Since then, we've also had several others that have continued with us in that arena, and we have gained so much through their involvement in our lives. As I considered what I wanted to write, though, I was honestly feeling a bit overwhelmed. I didn't know where to start. Then, God brought someone to my mind: a couple who is very close to PJ and I (haha... that's really an understatement), and who just happens to have a wealth of knowledge to share on this very subject. I asked if they would be willing to author a guest post for the blog, and here we are! The following is written by PJ's parents, Darryl and Joyce Henson. They are the leaders of InStep Ministries International - and their main objective is raising up and mentoring spiritual leaders in Eastern Europe. I hope that you are as blessed and inspired by what they have to share as I have been!

The Art of Spiritual Mentoring

by: Darryl Henson, with Joyce Henson

A young man whom I know stopped me on the street one day and, after greeting me with generalities, asked me a question. He said, "Hey, do you meet guys for breakfast?" I smiled at the way he hinted at his interest in my helping him. I asked him if he wanted to meet with me sometime, and he agreed he did. He has been only one of many individuals over the years who approached me with the same intention. Once I started mentoring one man, I discovered that there were many more who were looking for the same. Today, I give most of my time to mentor pastors and other church leaders. Have you considered that there are more people in our sphere of influence who are looking for a mentor than we will ever know?

You may think mentoring is a good idea, but maybe you are not certain that it is valuable enough to give your time to others in this way. Or maybe you have considered it and have passed the notion off because you feel inadequate or ill-prepared for this kind of ministry. Let's look at the value and the requirements together in this writing.

The scriptures inform us that God desires his followers to pass on our spiritual knowledge, experience, and insights to the next generation. See Deuteronomy 6: 6-7: "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." (NKJV)

The apostle Paul also instructed his mentoree, Timothy, to pass on what he had imparted into his life to the next generations of believers. See 2 Timothy 2: 2: "And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (NKJV)

In the context of spiritual mentoring, we are seeing the words "spiritual mothering and fathering" used more often. My friend, Larry Kreider, director of Dove Fellowship International, gives helpful definition to these terms: 

"What it is: Spiritual fathers and mothers: mentors or coaches - are in a place to help sons and daughters negotiate the obstacles of their spiritual journeys. A spiritual father helps a spiritual son reach his God-given potential."

My wife, Joyce, has been mentoring young women for several years. I asked her to share some of her perspective on being a spiritual mom and mentor. She writes, "Mentoring women is as natural as being a mother. Sometimes we don't know what to do, but if we just follow our instincts, we find the way. Most importantly, be an example that you want others to follow. If you have a gift, share it with others. I love to cook and enjoy teaching, so when I find young women who never learned their way around the kitchen, I enjoy showing them how to cook simple dishes. Then they can feel good about their successes and are motivated to try more. As I am spending time together with a young woman, I can also share what God is doing in my life and encourage them in their spiritual walk. Just like children follow after their parents, so our spiritual children are looking to us for guidance and spiritual mentoring."

Throughout the Scriptures we have several examples and models of spiritual parenting. A few of them include: Jesus, who modeled spiritual fatherhood to His twelve disciples; Paul, who discipled young Timothy; Elijah, who became a spiritual parent to Elisha; and Moses, who trained and released Joshua to be a notable leader.

With the Scripture's clarity on the value of mentoring, and the evident desire of those seeking to be mentored, why may we not be mentoring others? Too often we fall into a self-complex that we have nothing to offer another person. We may say that we are a simple or common person with no special knowledge, experience, or insights. We sell ourselves short on this basis.

Knowledge is the information you have gained from education, whether it be formal or informal. We also gain knowledge from others who are willing to share what they have learned with us. Mentors need only to have a knowledge that is a level more than the one we mentor. In the context of spiritual mentoring, if means that we must have some knowledge of God and His ways. The experience requirement is simply that the mentor has gone a few steps further on the spiritual journey in this life. The insights that you have gained through studying the Word of God, prayer, and meditation have given you something to pass on to someone else.

Sure, there are different levels of mentoring and you may not be prepared for the highest level of mentoring some need, but you begin where you are. As a mentor, remember you are still growing. The level of what you have to offer is increasing consistently. So what you have to offer today will not be the sum of what you have to offer several years later. When I began to mentor, I was in my early 20s. I didn't think I had a lot of knowledge, and certainly not a lot of experience, but I believed God put something in me to share. I simply began with listening and sharing that small amount of knowledge of God and the Scriptures with a person.

Another disadvantage that may hold us back from mentoring is the reality that we had no mentor in our own spiritual life. Of course, we may think of one or two people who led us to faith and showed us genuine care in the beginning of our journey, but they did not mentor us fully. We may look on our life and pity our self because of this lack, or we can choose to have a different perspective. If this is your situation, then use your lack to turn around and provide for another what you desired for yourself. You will be surprised how God will bring spiritual mentors into your life as you begin to invest in the lives of others.

I have prepared a list of helps for mentoring that I hope will help you as you mentor others. I have learned these over time, and they come out of personal experience in mentor relationships. If you are already mentoring people, you may want to consider these as a checklist to keep your relationship with the mentee healthy.

Helps for a Mentoring Relationship:

1. Know the purpose of your mentoring relationship and stick to it.
2. Know when to refer the person.
• Avoid falling to the temptation that you have all that is needed for every situation in a person's life.
  
3. Affirm the parental and supervisory authority over the person and don't undermine it.
4. Before entering a mentoring relationship, ask the person if someone else is mentoring them or helping them in their present situations and needs in their life.
5. Recognize the influence of other mentors and affirm it.
6. Determine a healthy commitment to the person in balance with other relationships (spouse, friends, children, etc.).
7. Determine realistically how many people you can mentor in a season of time.
8. Release the person when they or you feel it is time.
9. Provide the boundaries that are necessary for those you mentor.
10. Beware of the emotional trap that can interfere with rational thinking and Godly counsel.

Remember, there are many people in your life waiting for someone to come alongside of them and mentor them spiritually. God has put something in you to give them. Be bold, and begin to give your time to them.

Follow the Fearless Leader

When I was a kid, one thing we often did as a family was to go biking. I remember heading out for a ride many Saturday afternoons, after we cleaned house and worked on projects all morning. I think back on those times with fondness now… but I can’t say that I always enjoyed the experience at the time. I could be pretty opinionated, and typically my opinion was that I wanted to do whatever else we weren’t planning on doing. Now I’ve got kids of my own, and whenever we make plans, it seems like at least one of them is usually doing the same thing I used to do. (I’ll bet you anything my mom is having a good chuckle to herself as she reads this.) Yeah, I whined and complained and generally pitched a fit. Maybe more often than not (you’d have to ask my mom…). I’d want to know, “Where are we going?” “Which way are we going?” and “When will we be back home?” A lot of times my mom would just answer me by saying, “We’re following our fearless leader!” My dad led our rides. He was our fearless leader. My brother and I would usually ride in the middle, and my mom would bring up the rear. “Follow our fearless leader!” Whether riding on roads, rail trails, or singletracks through the woods, I feel like I heard that phrase countless times. And, regardless of my protests, we did it. And we always made it home.

Hiking along after their fearless leader.

Years have passed, and my worries aren’t typically related to the length and location of bike rides anymore; but, to be honest, my complaints probably still sound pretty similar. “Can’t I do something else instead?” “How long is this going to take?” “Where am I even going right now?!” “Will this never end?!?” If I focus on trying to answer my many questions – if I focus on my fears and problems – I end up stressed out and anxious because of my own inadequacies. The best strategy I can undertake when facing the unknown is to keep my focus on the Lord. He is my “fearless leader.” No circumstances intimidate Him. Difficulties don’t put a roadblock in His path. My nervousness won’t dissuade His confidence. He always knows the way. 

What are some ways that we can keep our eyes on God in spite of the many distractions vying for our attention? Reading and studying the scriptures, and even committing at least some of them to memory, builds a strong foundation and keeps us grounded. Prayer is our lifeline and direct connection to God. Worship builds intimacy with Him, calms our racing mind, and settles our spirit. Sometimes, to do these things we have to fight through our feelings. Let’s be honest here – we’re not always going to feel like sitting down and reading our Bible, or spending time in prayer, or worshipping. Choosing to do at least one or two simple things even when we don’t feel like it is going to bear fruit anyway, because time spent in the presence of the Lord is never, ever wasted.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven 

and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, 

giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 

so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; 

it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, 

and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”

- Isaiah 55: 10-11 (ESV)

We don’t always have to read several chapters in one sitting or spend an hour on our knees. If all you can manage is one verse, read that one verse. If all you can pray is a whispered, “Lord, help,” then pray that. Even a small start is still a start! 

We don’t have to have all the answers or even know where the path goes. We just have to follow the footsteps of our fearless leader.

How about you? What are some things that you do to help maintain your focus on the Lord? Leave a comment below. I'd love to hear from you!

The Community of Believers, Part Three:

 Taking Action

Today, I’m wrapping up a series of posts on the topic of living in community with our fellow believers. [If you haven’t read the first or second parts yet, you can find them here (#1) and here (#2).] I believe that, as believers, we need to resolve to purposefully and intentionally live our lives in community with each other. We’ve talked about why it’s important to do that, and we’ve talked about dealing with conflict amongst ourselves. Today I want to take a look at church life, and at our personal responsibilities as they relate specifically to being a part of the Body of Christ.

Commitment. We humans can be very committed when we want to be. We stay loyal to our team even when they’ve been on the losing side for years on end. We throw ourselves into a project so fully that even when we aren’t working on it, we’re thinking about it. On the flip side, we can be really wishy-washy, too. (Come on – you know it’s true.) Our treadmills become clothes hangers. We end the call when we’ve been on hold for more than 5 minutes. We start things and never finish them. Those are pretty benign examples, but you and I both know that our commitment – or lack thereof – also extends to much more serious arenas. Jobs, friendships, marriages… churches, too! Our commitment level shines through and becomes very apparent to others when they look at the way we handle our most important responsibilities. When something becomes a struggle, do we dig in and try our hardest to work through it, or do we give up all too easily?

Having been involved in ministry for a number of years, PJ and I have seen all levels of commitment within the members of the church body. There are those who rarely miss a single service or Bible study, are devoted to prayer, and always volunteer when there is an opportunity to help out. Then there are those who attend services just a few times a year and reach out mainly when they have a need for prayer or financial assistance. The local church is made up of all types, but the majority seem to fall somewhere in the middle of these two opposites. So, what happens when someone feels vulnerable, gets offended, or is wounded in a church? There does often seem to be a correlation between a person's level of commitment and the way that they react to difficulty in the church. Here are a few different responses we have noticed: Sometimes, people react by making an effort to find healing and restoration of unity within the group; sometimes, they react by going and finding a new group of people to worship with; and at other times, they completely pull away from anything that has to do with the church or organized religion. People in the last group don’t necessarily walk away from their relationship with God, but they certainly will walk away from their relationship with the church. Here’s the thing, though (and yes, I realize I’m repeating myself again): We were designed by our Creator to live in community with one another. Community is sometimes messy, and imperfect - because we aren't perfect people. And you know what else? Community requires commitment.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

- Ephesians 4: 2-6 (NIV)

Now, I’m not saying it’s always easy to stay connected; but I am saying it’s worth it. God called us to it, and He knows what He’s doing. He knows we lose a lot when we become isolated from each other. Keep in mind – not everything worthwhile is always easy. Raising kids is worthwhile, but sure not easy. Marriage is a blessing, but it’s also hard work. Undertaking a physical training program takes a lot of effort, but it pays off in the end. There are certain things we do that we are determined not to give up on, no matter how difficult things get. What would happen if we extended that never-give-up attitude towards maintaining relationships in our church and in the wider community of believers? How would that change things?

“So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

- Ephesians 4: 11-16 (NIV)

It’s true, God knows what challenges we will face as we do life together. However, He also knows what blessings we will reap through being involved in each other’s lives. Yes, at times I have been hurt by my fellow believers. More than I care to think about, actually. But I have also been richly blessed by them – even sometimes by the same people who have previously wounded me. We bless each other when we pray for each other, share meals, and work side by side. We talk with each other – sharing what we have learned, or what we struggle with. We lean on each other. We help each other in practical and tangible ways. We give. We support one another when one of us is struggling. We challenge one another. We keep each other accountable. We care. We love. We become a family, and we truly become the Body of Christ. There is a certain amount of vulnerability that is required to reap the blessings, and that’s what I wish I would have realized long ago. If we remain guarded and closed off from one another, then we do not give or receive fully. If we frequently switch churches or keep hunting for the next bigger or better thing, then we lose the opportunity to develop deep and meaningful relationships.

To quote PJ (from a sermon some time ago), “Unity happens around who God is. To see unity in our church, we must seek God first. Unity starts at a personal level, then expands corporately. We will reach more people together than we ever will separately.” If we put our focus on God and on serving Him, then petty disagreements can take a backseat to the work of the Kingdom. Often, we become so fixated upon our personal convictions that have nothing to do with godliness, that we spend all our time trying to convince people to see things our way rather than doing the things God has actually called us to do. That’s a dangerous path to tread! The harm in it is that we end up pushing people away from the Lord, rather than towards Him. Instead of seeing the value of a relationship with the Lord, and the value of being part of a church, they just see people who are pushy and narrow-minded. This can cause some of our fellow believers to decide that it’s not worth being part of a church community. It can also cause unbelievers to extend that perception onto all Christians they encounter. If the world is going to reject us, let it be for Christ, and not for some silly soapbox moment! We can learn to work together, and we can learn to work through our differences and disagreements together. When we truly put Christ first in our lives, and prioritize our relationship with Him above all else, we begin to realize that some of the things we are expending our energy and efforts to fight about just aren’t worth it. He rearranges our priorities. When we live a life of selflessness and service to God, it changes us for the better.

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one – I in them and you in me – so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”

- John 17: 20-23 (NIV)

Yes, I admit… sometimes I kind of want to run off into the hills, be far away from people, and keep livestock for company instead. (Goats. I want goats. And a pony.) Seems less complicated. 😉

…BUT…

I’m choosing instead to trust God and stay involved with my fellow believers, imperfect as we all are. I’m making that choice with the knowledge that I’ll likely get hurt sometime again. I’m believing that God’s faithfulness will carry me through. Nope, it’s not always easy, but I do believe it will be worth it.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

- Philippians 2: 1-4 (NIV)

Please Note: Though commitment is very important, I’m not saying that we should put up with abuse, overlook a toxic church culture, or ignore an upside-down church leadership structure. In some situations, conflict cannot be resolved despite our best efforts. Someday there may come a time when it is necessary for you to separate yourself from certain individuals, or remove yourself from a certain church. Please don’t make that type of decision lightly. Don’t base it on an emotional reaction. Pray. Talk to someone you trust. Forgive the offending party. Then pray some more. If you do end up making the decision to find a new church body, please remember that your current pastor is invested in your life. They care for you and they love you as a brother or sister in Christ. Give them the courtesy of a face-to-face, honest conversation about what’s going on. By and large, they’d prefer to bless you as you leave, rather than see you just kind of sneak out the back door.

The Community of Believers, Part Two:

Facing Conflict

In my last post (read it here if you haven’t yet), I presented a challenge to us as believers:  To resolve to purposefully and intentionally live our lives in community with each other. Throughout the entirety of the Bible, we read of the importance of unity within the Body of Christ. However, history shows us that the church has always struggled to maintain a sense of unity in spite of our differences. Current events reveal that this hasn’t changed. Without a doubt, it will be something that we always have to work at. Today’s post builds off of the last one, and specifically addresses those times when our fellow believers disagree with us and/or do things that are irritating, malicious, or hurtful.

If the challenge we have is to live in community, then the solution ought to be simple, right? Just do it! Be an active church member. Share. Help your neighbor. Be a caring friend. Mentor and disciple those newer in the faith. And so forth.

Whoa, hold on a minute! Not so fast… We are talking about people here, after all. People make mistakes. People can be fickle, and downright mean. I could sit here and relate how I’ve been hurt by people. I could complain. It might even feel kind of good to voice what has happened, and what I think of certain individuals because of it. And because I know you’ve had similar experiences, too (everyone has), you could commiserate with me. Together we could add more bricks to the walls that we build to keep ourselves at a distance from our fellow man.

I’ll be honest with you – I have lived that way at times. At some point I started building walls. I suspect that many, if not all, of us have to some extent. I remember being in elementary school, and something happening between a friend and I. Whatever happened has long been erased from my memory – I’m sure it was nothing particularly traumatic – but I can still vividly remember the feeling of betrayal that I was left with. I’m not sure if this was when I started being more guarded with people or not, but I’m positive that it contributed. Over time, additional experiences added to my skepticism about getting too close to many people. I spent many years as a bitter and reactive person… though most people didn’t know me that way. It was mainly an internal struggle, really only noticed by a few who were closest to me. When it caused me the most trouble was when I needed to reach out for help, because I couldn’t do it. My pride and distrust were strong and I didn’t overcome them for a long time. It ended up taking a desperate situation to produce some change in that area of my life. I wish I would have realized sooner…

Offense. Betrayal. Distrust. Bitterness. We need to realize that the enemy fully intends to use these types of wounds to his advantage (and our detriment). If given an inch, he will take a mile. He wants to push us apart. He wants us to remain walled-off and guarded against each other, because he knows that when we are together, we are stronger. We need to learn to fight smart! Our battle is not really against the person standing in front of us, it is with the enemy positioned behind them. When we pray for discernment and start to learn to recognize the devil’s schemes, then we can look at what’s happening and say, “No. Not today. I’m not going to walk into that trap.”

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”

- Ephesians 6: 10-13 (NIV)

Regardless of how we feel when we are wounded, allowing ourselves to become bitter and hardened against people just isn’t the answer. Our emotions can be extremely misleading. Putting up walls in an attempt to protect ourselves so that we don’t get hurt again won’t ever work. It won’t even make us feel better. In doing this, we’ll just find ourselves growing in hatred and becoming more and more isolated, as I did. What we initially thought was a healthy independence will become a toxic poison, eating away at us. We simply weren’t designed to live that way. Being hurt stinks, obviously. There’s no way around that. No one chooses to be hurt. When we are hurt, though, we have a choice to make. What are we going to do? How are we going to respond? Will we immediately react defensively based on our emotions? Will we wound others in return? Will we allow that emotional, knee-jerk reaction to run our lives from here on out? Or, will we pray and seek the Lord’s help to contend with our emotions before we react? Will we deal with those who hurt us in a Biblical manner (Matthew 18: 15-17)? Will we forgive and allow God to heal our lives so that we can move on and be free from the burdens that others tried to place on us?

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

- Colossians 3: 13 (NIV)

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

- John 13: 34-35 (NIV)

I’ve said it before, and I’m going to keep on saying it: God meant for us to live in community with other believers. He created us with that need. And yes, He knows people! He knows what challenges we will face as we get involved in each other’s lives. PJ and I – it’s no secret that we aren’t perfect. You don’t have to ask around to try and get the scoop; we’ll tell you that ourselves. Guess what? You’re not perfect either! Neither is the person sitting next to you in the pew, the guy running the sound board, the greeter at the front door, or the individual filling the pulpit. Mistakes will certainly be made. Though I’m sure there are exceptions, most of us don’t join a church with a deliberate bent towards injuring someone else’s heart. Invariably at some point it happens, though… because no one is perfect and we all make errors. As in any relationship, work is required. Truly loving others requires making a conscious choice to do so.

Our emotions will have us wavering all over the place if we follow them; but it we remain centered on God, we will be better able to deal with our ever-changing feelings. If we want to maintain strong, healthy relationships within the community of believers, it is absolutely essential that we begin by looking at ourselves. Our first priority needs to be maintaining a close relationship with our Lord through prayer and reading the Word. We can’t skip over that part, as the rest will build upon this foundation.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

- Philippians 4: 6-7 (NIV)

“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

- 2 Timothy 3: 16-17 (NIV)

The conversation continues! Let's take a deeper look at church life, and at our personal responsibilities. I’ll be wrapping up this series of posts soon with, “The Community of Believers, Part Three (Taking Action).”

Click here to read Part Three.

The Community of Believers, Part One:

The Challenge

The very first man on earth was alone. Well, not exactly all alone. God was there with him. He was, however, lacking human company. While we don’t know exactly how long Adam was solo, we do know that it was long enough for his loneliness to become plainly apparent. God’s response to this was, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) Thus, God created the very second person on earth – a woman, to be the man’s helpmate. God recognized and provided for the need that the man had for relationship – and of course that was part of His plan all along. It is not good for us to be alone. From the very beginning we were designed to live in community with other people.

This past year was a tough one. Not one of us has gone without being affected in some way by the events of 2020. Now, believe it or not, we’re already over a month into 2021. Yeah. That went fast. Time flies… whether or not you’re having fun, it seems. I know many were hoping that the advent of a new year would also bring about a significant change in current events, but here we are. Not much has changed yet besides the date we write on our checks. In a lot of ways, the world seems like an unfamiliar and unfriendly place right now. Many of the things we used to believe we could always count on have become uncertain and unreliable. Unfortunately, this uncertainty and unreliability extends beyond the mere availability of toilet paper and cleaning products. In fact, it reaches to the very heart of our relationships with those around us.

From the coronavirus pandemic, and all the hot button issues surrounding it, to the extremely divisive political climate we are currently experiencing in the US – our communities have taken quite a hit. One year ago, we began by “social distancing” in an effort to protect them. However, in the course of time we have come to put much more than six feet of physical distance between ourselves. Social distancing has transitioned into emotional distancing and social isolation. People are pulling away from each other. Communities, and even families, are becoming fragmented. Neighbor is against neighbor. Friend against friend. Family against their own. Regardless of your personal political leanings, or your views on various other polarizing topics, I think we should all be able to agree that the amount of hostility that different factions are displaying towards each other is distressing and concerning. Far too often this discord is reaching into our churches, and that’s what I really want to focus on today.

What do we do when the person we are sitting next to in the pew on Sunday doesn’t precisely agree with our viewpoint? How do we deal with that? Do we allow our disagreements to drive a wedge in between us and our fellow believer? By doing so, we have accepted and adopted the standard practices of the world. This is a problem! As followers of Christ, we are called to adhere to a different standard. We don’t have to search very hard to find what God has to say about the topic in His Word – it’s in there quite literally from the beginning to the end.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”

– Psalm 133: 1 (NIV)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

– Ephesians 4: 2-6 (NIV)

“Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.”

– 1 Corinthians 12: 12-14 (NIV)

Consider what descriptive words we see in these passages referring to unity – good, pleasant, humble, gentle, patient, peace, one (body). I cannot reconcile these descriptions with much of what I see and hear happening both in individual churches and in the wider community of believers. Indeed, I notice a lot of the opposite happening. Far from being peaceable with one another, there is a great deal of strife. Instead of patience, we see contention. Division takes the place of oneness. This discord splinters the Body and causes us to become ineffective. Satan knows this! The enemy of our souls knows very well how much stronger we are when we live in community with each other. He knows how much weaker we are when we become secluded and alone.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

– Hebrews 10: 24-25 (NIV)

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

– Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (NIV)

Is it any wonder that he seems to be working overtime to sever the bonds that connect us? He is using such things as the pandemic (masks, social distancing, vaccines…), politics (taxes, immigration, voting…), and more (parenting styles, financial choices, butter vs. margarine 😉…) to splinter and divide. It should not be so! We aren’t talking about sin issues here. We’re talking mainly about things that are, at their root, just personal preferences. Whether or not I agree with you about masks shouldn’t affect my ability to fellowship with you. Your feelings about vaccines should have no bearing on whether or not I am willing to worship alongside you. I shouldn’t withhold my assistance from you when you’re in need based on your voting record. Your parenting style can be different than mine without causing a fall-out in our friendship. The challenge is this:  To resolve to purposefully and intentionally live our lives in community with each other. The key words there? Resolve. Purposefully. Intentionally. Just as loving our spouse is a purposeful and intentional choice that we make every single day (the lack of which will negatively affect our marriage), so maintaining relationship with our fellow believers is a purposeful and intentional choice we must make every single day, or we risk becoming more susceptible to the enemy’s attacks. A choice to let our emotions take over and lead our thoughts and actions is a choice to expressly ignore what we’ve clearly been called to do. Take some time to really think this over and prayerfully consider: Are my actions reflecting how Christ has called me to live, and thus proclaiming His love to those around me? Are my attitudes and emotions causing me to live in conflict with my fellow believer? Are there any adjustments I need to make to correct errors that I have made?

Achieving unity within the Body of Christ is not necessarily simple or easy. Community living can be downright difficult! How do we handle it when our fellow believers do things that are designed to pick at us, or are downright malicious and hurtful? It's not easy to deal with. I think it’s a topic that needs its own post, so check back later for, “The Community of Believers, Part Two (Facing Conflict).”

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

– Matthew 18: 20 (NIV)

Click here to read Part Two.

Baked Oatmeal Recipe

I have something a little different for you today! I have been working on a new post, but it has been slow in coming together for me; so, I'm switching gears for now and sharing a favorite recipe of ours.

Baked Oatmeal is a Saturday morning staple in our house. Usually we eat around mid-morning. It is a very filling dish, so I typically skip lunch when we have it (though PJ and the kids like to have a light lunch/snack early in the afternoon, too).

Baked Oatmeal is very well-known in the area where I grew up, but not as well-known where I live now. It is definitely a comfort food (ALL the carbs, lol). I've introduced several friends to it, and it's always been well received. If you search online, you will find many variations of the recipe. Mine is pretty traditional. One of the best things about it is that it is totally customizable. The recipe is a great base, and it tastes wonderful plain (my mother-in-law's favorite way to eat it), but you can also add all kinds of things to make it your own. My kids love to add mini chocolate chips after it is baked. My dad eats it with milk. My mom prefers to mix in nuts and dried fruit. I make a version of it that has a layer of strawberry rhubarb sauce (similar to the filling you would find in a crisp or a pie) baked on the bottom. I also love to add fresh fruit (berries and peaches are my favorites). PJ dresses his up with peanut butter and chocolate chips. You can put your additions in before you bake it, or after. I normally make it plain and have mix-ins available so everyone can have it to their own tastes. Sometimes I change it up, but the rest of the family doesn't really like when I mess with their normal routine. 😂

My recipe comes from my mom. I've only made one small change from the original she wrote down for me. It comes together quickly and uses a minimum of kitchen equipment (not much clean-up!). The recipe below makes a 9x13 pan, though it can be easily cut in half and put in an 8x8 pan. I don't know how many people it should serve... but I can tell you that our family of six cleans up a 9x13 pan in one sitting!

Baked Oatmeal

3 c. quick oats

1/4 c. granulated sugar

1/2 c. brown sugar

1 tsp. salt

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 c. milk

2 tsp. vanilla

2 eggs, beaten

1/2 c. butter, melted

Optional mix-ins (chocolate chips, nuts, fresh or dried fruit, nut butters, etc.)

Preheat oven to 350. In a mixing bowl, stir together all the dry ingredients (I like to mix everything with a fork, but you can use whatever you like). Add milk, vanilla, eggs, and butter. Mix well. Spread into a greased 9x13" baking dish. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes (or until edges are golden brown). Serve warm.

*Add mix-ins before or after baking, as desired.

*Baked Oatmeal also reheats very well if you happen to have any leftovers. 😉

Enjoy! If you make it, drop a comment below and tell me what you think. If you think I should include more recipes here on the blog, let me know that, too! 

Christmastime in Wyoming

We have been in our new house for more than a month now, and we are finally past the worst of the unpacking-after-moving stage. Only a few unpacked boxes remain, and I also have some organizing to do in a few rooms. The office/school room is seriously a problem right now, as is the master bedroom. Ugh. However, having gotten most of it behind us, we’ve been able to take some time off for family fun again. A few weeks ago we went into the mountains to cut our Christmas tree. Cutting a wild tree has become a family tradition for us, and it’s one of the things I love about living here in Wyoming. For $8-10 or so (depending on the area), you can buy a permit from the National Forest Service to cut a Christmas tree.

This year we went to a new, unfamiliar spot, so we ended up hiking for a much longer time than we usually do to find our tree. It was a gorgeous day, though, and considerably warmer than some other tree hunts we’ve been on, so we didn’t really mind.

After we had selected a tree, and were just starting to cut it down, our oldest son asked if we had straps to tie it to the roof of the vehicle. “Yes,” I answered confidently, “Dad has straps in the car.” He got a stricken look on his face… then asked if they had been in a cardboard box. “Yes, in the back of the car,” PJ said. As it turns out, PJ had a bunch of empty moving boxes in the back of his car that he was going to haul away but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. So that afternoon, before we left to go to the mountain, he had asked our son to get ALL the cardboard boxes out of his car and move them over to my car. Which he did... and consequently, we now had no straps! Oops! Fortunately, with some creative jockeying, we managed to get our 8-foot-tall Christmas tree INSIDE the car and home we went. 😁

It’s been fun getting our new home all decorated for Christmas. We put up the tree, and some lights, and other decorations. We set up our nativity and the Christmas advent/countdown calendar for the kids. We hung the stockings on the wall (had to give up our nice fireplace mantle when we moved). It feels all comfy and cozy to me. I love seeing all the decorations. Sometimes I wish I could leave them up all year, but then they wouldn’t feel as special, either.

Earlier this week we wrapped up another pre-Christmas visit with my in-laws. They’ve been able to come out to visit us every year at this time, and again in the summer, for a good number of years now. We also got to see my parents twice this year, most recently this fall shortly before we moved. The kids always look forward to seeing Grandpa and Grandma! We were supposed to travel to spend last Christmas back east with everyone, but changed our plans and decided to go in the spring and then, for various reasons, that trip actually never ended up happening. So it was a real blessing to get to see them all, especially with the craziness that has been 2020.

This was our first time hosting anyone in our new home. It was definitely different, as we do not have a dedicated guest room at our place anymore. Despite that, it was comfortable and actually felt less crowded than it did when we had guests at our former residence. This house has a more open floor plan, and more space in the kitchen and dining area, so I think that’s a large part of why it felt less like we were bunched together all day.

PJ’s parents hadn’t really spent any time in this part of Wyoming before, so they were looking forward to exploring the area a bit. The weather was cold and snowy for much of the time they were here, and we had lots of inside activities to do (like making Christmas cookies!), so we didn’t do a whole lot outside. We did, however, take them to Devil’s Tower on one of the nicer days. Our family had been to Devil’s Tower once before, though the younger kids were pretty small and didn’t remember it. Our guests had never been there. If you’ve never been, you should definitely take the opportunity if you’re ever in the area. The tower is much more impressive in person than it even is in pictures. Signs on the trail explain some of the geology and history of the area. It’s very interesting. It is also located in a very pretty part of the state (watch for deer on the roads, though, there are a LOT in the area).

It was cold the day we went, but the trail around the tower was clear of snow and ice, and it was still a nice day despite the temperature. (Last time we went it was around the same time of year, but the trail was icy and slick so it wasn’t as nice.) There was only one other car in the parking lot when we pulled in. When we were partway up the trail we saw a couple other cars pull in, but those people must have only gone to the base of the tower because we never actually saw them.

We walked about 1 ¾ miles from our car, around the tower trail, and back. We took about 45 minutes to do so, because we stopped a lot to look at things and take pictures. During that time, we saw five whitetail deer, a few red squirrels, some birds, and only two other people. It was really nice! We felt like we had the place to ourselves.

We saw another car or two just as we were leaving. I think this National Monument is open all year round, but I’m sure it’s much, much busier in the summer than it is in the winter. We saw some more hiking trails we’d like to check out when it warms up, so we’ll be back again.

One of the things I like best is how different the tower looks from all sides as you go around it.

You’re up on a hill, so there are some great views, too.

Lots of people come to climb the tower. I never intend on doing that. Yikes! I’ll keep my feet on the ground, thank you. This is an old stake ladder that you can see through some viewing tubes along the tower trail.

Can you imagine going up that thing? It’s not close to the ground, either. It’s partway up the side of the tower.

After you go past the entrance station, as you come into the area around the tower, there is a prairie dog town there beside the road. We had planned to stop and watch the critters for a bit, but we didn’t see a single one. This caused the kids to wonder if prairie dogs hibernate. No one in the car knew the answer for sure, which led to the kids doing some spontaneous research when we got home. (Spoiler alert – they don’t hibernate, but they also don’t come outside much when it’s too cold.)

There was a big storm predicted for the east coast right when our guests were supposed to head home, so they ended up staying for an extra day to avoid the worst of it. None of us minded the extra time with them! Now that they are back home we are working on getting back into our regular routine, and I am catching up on a bunch of laundry that I let go while they were here. My poor washing machine… 😵

The Christmas season is one of my favorite times of the year. I love seeing the decorations and lights. I like listening to Christmas music and taking part in various holiday activities. I look forward to celebrating advent with our family. It can be a time of mixed emotions for many people though, myself notwithstanding. This year has been especially challenging. Having just moved, I am missing friends and being involved in some of the local activities we traditionally participated in. Last Christmas was also a pretty tumultuous time for me personally, and I can often be triggered by unhappy memories these days. This past Sunday, our pastor said something in his message that really struck me. He was talking about a time when he had to make a long drive through a white-out blizzard. He wanted to stop, but had to press on because it was more dangerous to pull over than it was to keep going. All of a sudden, he drove out of the storm and it was a sunny day. He could see the storm clouds in the rearview mirror. He said that having driven through something like that and come out of it, no one would willingly turn around and go back into it – they’d keep driving forward on the good road. Yet often times when we go through a storm in our lives we keep going back and reliving it. Essentially, his point was that there’s no reason to go back. We should continue moving forward and moving on with our life. Leave the storm behind. Walk in the sun. He also talked about how sometimes we can pray and pray and pray for something and feel like we’re never going to get an answer, and then suddenly God moves and does a miracle. Our circumstances can change in an instant and suddenly the storm is over. His message was an advent message, and I can’t hardly even tell you how this story related to all the rest of his message because it’s just the one part that stuck with me. While I cannot stop myself from remembering things from the past, I can choose how they affect me. It’s just too easy to let a memory cause me to turn around and mentally put myself back into the stormy place. Painful experiences in the past don't have to result in a lifetime of misery. I need to make a decision to see the memory through the rearview mirror of my mind and move forward anyway. Some days are better than others. Some memories are easier to move on from than others. It’s a process, and I’m learning (slowly). I'm so thankful that God empowers us to walk in freedom if we will set our mind on Him.

"For to set the mind on the flesh is death,

but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."

- Romans 8: 6 (ESV)