The Art of Spiritual Mentoring

I'm really excited about today's post! A few weeks ago, I had been thinking about writing a post on spiritual mentoring as sort of a follow-up to the series I did recently on the importance of living in community with other believers (you can read the series here: "The Community of Believers"). Supporting each other in the Christian walk is a big part of living in community, and mentoring is an important Biblical concept that can be a great way to support another believer, or to receive support yourself. PJ and I have been blessed to have each had several spiritual mentors over the years, and we've had a few people we've mentored as well. We definitely recognize the benefits and the importance of this practice. Our mentors have been able to speak into our lives in many different areas, and we have valued their Godly advice and guidance. When we were first married and just starting out in ministry, we had a more experienced pastor couple take us under their wing and mentor us in the areas of ministry and marriage. This was invaluable to us. Since then, we've also had several others that have continued with us in that arena, and we have gained so much through their involvement in our lives. As I considered what I wanted to write, though, I was honestly feeling a bit overwhelmed. I didn't know where to start. Then, God brought someone to my mind: a couple who is very close to PJ and I (haha... that's really an understatement), and who just happens to have a wealth of knowledge to share on this very subject. I asked if they would be willing to author a guest post for the blog, and here we are! The following is written by PJ's parents, Darryl and Joyce Henson. They are the leaders of InStep Ministries International - and their main objective is raising up and mentoring spiritual leaders in Eastern Europe. I hope that you are as blessed and inspired by what they have to share as I have been!

The Art of Spiritual Mentoring

by: Darryl Henson, with Joyce Henson

A young man whom I know stopped me on the street one day and, after greeting me with generalities, asked me a question. He said, "Hey, do you meet guys for breakfast?" I smiled at the way he hinted at his interest in my helping him. I asked him if he wanted to meet with me sometime, and he agreed he did. He has been only one of many individuals over the years who approached me with the same intention. Once I started mentoring one man, I discovered that there were many more who were looking for the same. Today, I give most of my time to mentor pastors and other church leaders. Have you considered that there are more people in our sphere of influence who are looking for a mentor than we will ever know?

You may think mentoring is a good idea, but maybe you are not certain that it is valuable enough to give your time to others in this way. Or maybe you have considered it and have passed the notion off because you feel inadequate or ill-prepared for this kind of ministry. Let's look at the value and the requirements together in this writing.

The scriptures inform us that God desires his followers to pass on our spiritual knowledge, experience, and insights to the next generation. See Deuteronomy 6: 6-7: "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." (NKJV)

The apostle Paul also instructed his mentoree, Timothy, to pass on what he had imparted into his life to the next generations of believers. See 2 Timothy 2: 2: "And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (NKJV)

In the context of spiritual mentoring, we are seeing the words "spiritual mothering and fathering" used more often. My friend, Larry Kreider, director of Dove Fellowship International, gives helpful definition to these terms: 

"What it is: Spiritual fathers and mothers: mentors or coaches - are in a place to help sons and daughters negotiate the obstacles of their spiritual journeys. A spiritual father helps a spiritual son reach his God-given potential."

My wife, Joyce, has been mentoring young women for several years. I asked her to share some of her perspective on being a spiritual mom and mentor. She writes, "Mentoring women is as natural as being a mother. Sometimes we don't know what to do, but if we just follow our instincts, we find the way. Most importantly, be an example that you want others to follow. If you have a gift, share it with others. I love to cook and enjoy teaching, so when I find young women who never learned their way around the kitchen, I enjoy showing them how to cook simple dishes. Then they can feel good about their successes and are motivated to try more. As I am spending time together with a young woman, I can also share what God is doing in my life and encourage them in their spiritual walk. Just like children follow after their parents, so our spiritual children are looking to us for guidance and spiritual mentoring."

Throughout the Scriptures we have several examples and models of spiritual parenting. A few of them include: Jesus, who modeled spiritual fatherhood to His twelve disciples; Paul, who discipled young Timothy; Elijah, who became a spiritual parent to Elisha; and Moses, who trained and released Joshua to be a notable leader.

With the Scripture's clarity on the value of mentoring, and the evident desire of those seeking to be mentored, why may we not be mentoring others? Too often we fall into a self-complex that we have nothing to offer another person. We may say that we are a simple or common person with no special knowledge, experience, or insights. We sell ourselves short on this basis.

Knowledge is the information you have gained from education, whether it be formal or informal. We also gain knowledge from others who are willing to share what they have learned with us. Mentors need only to have a knowledge that is a level more than the one we mentor. In the context of spiritual mentoring, if means that we must have some knowledge of God and His ways. The experience requirement is simply that the mentor has gone a few steps further on the spiritual journey in this life. The insights that you have gained through studying the Word of God, prayer, and meditation have given you something to pass on to someone else.

Sure, there are different levels of mentoring and you may not be prepared for the highest level of mentoring some need, but you begin where you are. As a mentor, remember you are still growing. The level of what you have to offer is increasing consistently. So what you have to offer today will not be the sum of what you have to offer several years later. When I began to mentor, I was in my early 20s. I didn't think I had a lot of knowledge, and certainly not a lot of experience, but I believed God put something in me to share. I simply began with listening and sharing that small amount of knowledge of God and the Scriptures with a person.

Another disadvantage that may hold us back from mentoring is the reality that we had no mentor in our own spiritual life. Of course, we may think of one or two people who led us to faith and showed us genuine care in the beginning of our journey, but they did not mentor us fully. We may look on our life and pity our self because of this lack, or we can choose to have a different perspective. If this is your situation, then use your lack to turn around and provide for another what you desired for yourself. You will be surprised how God will bring spiritual mentors into your life as you begin to invest in the lives of others.

I have prepared a list of helps for mentoring that I hope will help you as you mentor others. I have learned these over time, and they come out of personal experience in mentor relationships. If you are already mentoring people, you may want to consider these as a checklist to keep your relationship with the mentee healthy.

Helps for a Mentoring Relationship:

1. Know the purpose of your mentoring relationship and stick to it.
2. Know when to refer the person.
• Avoid falling to the temptation that you have all that is needed for every situation in a person's life.
  
3. Affirm the parental and supervisory authority over the person and don't undermine it.
4. Before entering a mentoring relationship, ask the person if someone else is mentoring them or helping them in their present situations and needs in their life.
5. Recognize the influence of other mentors and affirm it.
6. Determine a healthy commitment to the person in balance with other relationships (spouse, friends, children, etc.).
7. Determine realistically how many people you can mentor in a season of time.
8. Release the person when they or you feel it is time.
9. Provide the boundaries that are necessary for those you mentor.
10. Beware of the emotional trap that can interfere with rational thinking and Godly counsel.

Remember, there are many people in your life waiting for someone to come alongside of them and mentor them spiritually. God has put something in you to give them. Be bold, and begin to give your time to them.