A Sparrow in Hand

Apparently, birds enjoy half-ripe tomatoes. We learned that this summer. The first of the tomatoes in our garden were just about ready to pick, and we were waiting in anticipation. Then one day we noticed odd, triangular gashes appearing on the orangey-red, not-quite-ripe fruits. Birds! And they weren’t even always eating the whole tomato – mostly just biting into it and leaving the rest to rot. Grrr. The kids kept an eye on the garden and caught the culprits red-handed (red-beaked?) – a small, but persistent, flock of noisy, black grackles. I hung up some shiny aluminum pie plates to attempt to scare them off and ordered a piece of garden netting. When it arrived, PJ and I draped it over top of the plants and tucked it snugly down around the sides. Those birds weren’t going to ruin our whole harvest! When we installed the net, I remember mentioning to the kids that we needed to keep an eye out, as birds could potentially become entangled in it and need us to rescue them. I remember that happening once or twice in my family’s small strawberry patch when I was growing up. Fortunately, the first week passed by incident-free… and the next… and the next…

Summer rolled on, hot and dry, then hardly skipped a beat as the seasons changed. We normally have a decent frost, if not a hard freeze, by mid-September, but early fall was unseasonably warm this year and we were still harvesting tomatoes into early October. (This past week, however, I was shoveling 2–3-foot snow drifts off of our driveway… but I digress.)

Anyway…

It was late September. The netting remained in place around the tomatoes, though we hadn’t seen any birds near the garden since our first bout with that thieving flock of grackles. At least, that was true until a couple of weeks ago. PJ was at work, and the kids and I were having a rather lazy day at home. A couple of the kids had colds and weren’t feeling the greatest, so we had been lounging around the house, watching some TV and resting. At some point, our younger son looked out the window and spotted a few birds in the garden near the tomatoes. He called me over to take a look. (I’m a bit of a bird nerd, and the kids know that, so they’re always asking me to identify whatever feathered friend – fiend??? – they’ve spotted.) By the time I left the kitchen and walked over to the window, however, two of the birds had flown off. I was, though, just in time to see the third one frantically flapping as it tried to get away from the netting. The boys and I quickly went outside. It was a rescue mission!

The bird, a sparrow, was clearly quite distressed by its current situation. Somehow it had managed to get itself underneath the net, and I thought it was also entangled in the fine mesh. As I approached it, however, it took off and flew to the other side of the tomato patch… and straight into the other side of the netting. I tried a second time to get near it, and for a second time it took off in the opposite direction, but it was still foiled by the barely visible netting and became trapped yet again. At last, I managed to get hold of the frightened creature. It briefly stopped struggling as I gently and carefully disentangled it.

It really is a privilege to behold the intricacies of creation up close. From a distance we see a small, plain, brown bird. Up close, it seems to undergo a Cinderella-type transformation right before our eyes, as we begin to notice the many colors and variations in its feathers and the minute details in its eyes, beak, and feet. They are smaller and lighter than you think they should be, and when in hand it feels like you’re holding almost nothing but a bit of fluff. Though I was working quickly, I was in awe of every tiny detail – each and every part of which was meticulously thought out by a loving Creator. Every last feature speaking of Him.

I almost had the little guy completely freed when I relaxed my hand ever so slightly to try and get a piece of the net that looked like it was stuck under or wrapped around its wing. The bird had been biding its time, and took full advantage of that moment as it exploded out of my hand and upward into the sky. So close to my face it was that I could feel the puffs of air created by its wingbeats. The boys and I watched as it flew a short distance to the fence at the bottom of our yard, where it perched and rested for quite a long while, beak wide open, trying to regain its composure after its perceived near-death experience.

It felt satisfying to release the bird back to freedom. A good deed done for the day, and something to interrupt the monotony. I went back inside, got busy cleaning up the house a bit and caring for sick kids, and didn’t think much more of the experience at all.

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The next evening, I went to Women’s Bible Study at our church. It was the first night of a new study, and as an opener we were given a sheet of paper with the following questions to consider:

1. Which name and attribute of Jesus have you most depended on in this season of your life, and why?

2. Which name and attribute of Jesus do you need to grow more in understanding and dependence upon – and why?

Attached pages included many names and attributes of Jesus for us to mull over. We took several minutes to write out our answers, and then were given the opportunity to share. As I listened to the ladies around me expressing their thoughts, I noticed that many of their responses were quite similar to what I had jotted down on my own paper. [Side Note: We often tend to convince ourselves that we are alone in our struggles, but it’s just not true. Taking time to fellowship with others can relieve that feeling of isolation by helping us to realize that there are others who are at the same place we are, or have been at that place in the past. Building healthy relationships that provide mutual understanding and support can benefit all of us greatly as we navigate the often muddy waters of life.]

Partway through the sharing time, one dear friend was sharing a story about obedience and apple fritters when she said, “I held it in my hand…” and raised her cupped hand to demonstrate how she was holding the item in question. The bird instantly flashed into my thoughts. I remembered how I had held it in my hand, with my fingers cupped around its body to hold its wings still as I freed it from the net. I thought of how afraid it was, though I was only there to help. And I thought, “Am I scared of my Savior?”

Are you scared of your Savior? That’s kind of a weird question, and right off the bat you may say, “No. Of course not.” (And you might also be thinking, “Are you crazy?”) Allow me to explain. In the situation with the bird, I was its savior. Its only hope for rescue. Its only path to freedom. And yet, it was terrified. It tried desperately to get away from me. It did not know what I was doing, and it feared the worst. The little sparrow was afraid of its very savior… and as I sat there at Bible Study with that group of women, what I realized is that I can be The. Very. Same. Way. Not that I’m necessarily trying to run away from God, or escape from His presence, but definitely that I allow myself to get worked up and anxious when I don’t know what He is doing in my life, or when I feel like I cannot see Him working in a certain situation.

When it came to my turn to share, I answered the first question by saying that within this season of my life (roughly the last two years or so), I have most depended upon Jesus as Provider, Advocate, and Redeemer; and I have relied heavily upon His faithfulness and trustworthiness. Then, I also shared that I realized that my answer to the second question – what I need to grow more in understanding and dependence upon – was roughly the same as my answer to the first question! I explained how, even though I have seen God clearly and experienced His goodness in these specific ways (and also in others), I still have an inclination to struggle in those same areas when I face something new (or even when I face an old struggle for a second, or tenth, time). I told the story of the bird and its fear of its savior, and I expressed how I think I am like the bird. Sometimes I seem to be afraid of my Savior. When I don’t know what God is doing (which, let’s face it, is probably most of the time), that’s a real big opportunity for me to allow fear to take over. It invades my thoughts. It affects my actions. It tries to convince me that, even though God was trustworthy the last time, it doesn’t mean that He will be this time… after all, this is a totally different situation! My fear wants to rule my life, but my fear is a lie and it comes from the father of lies, who would like nothing more than for me to doubt my God.

“Hold up. Isn’t the fear of God Biblical?” you may be asking. Well… yes, and no. When the Bible talks about the fear of the Lord and how that is a good thing – a discipline we should practice – it isn’t speaking of actual fright. It doesn’t mean that we should feel like cowering or running away when God draws near to us. It doesn’t mean that we need to be afraid of God’s plans and actions in our lives. The following verses will provide some context:

“You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!”

- Psalm 22: 23 (NIV)

“Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.”

- Psalm 33: 8-9 (NIV)

“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.”

- Psalm 33: 18 (NIV)

“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”

- Psalm 40: 3 (NIV)

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

- Proverbs 9: 10 (NIV)

“The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.”

- Proverbs 14: 27 (NIV)

The fear of the Lord is mentioned in these verses right alongside of such terminology as, “praise,” “honor,” “revere,” “hope,” “love,” “deliver,” “trust,” “wisdom,” and “fountain of life.” So what is the fear of the Lord? Among the definitions of “fear” at merriam-webster.com, we see what we are looking for: “profound reverence and awe especially toward God.” The other definitions of fear just don’t fit here. We cannot genuinely praise and honor someone we are terrified of. We won’t revere someone who uses their power to intimidate and manipulate us. We don’t fully place our hope or trust in an individual who scares us. In no way can fright be described as a “fountain of life.” As I’ve heard it explained, to fear the Lord means to revere Him, to honor Him, to respect who He is. Fearing the Lord means acknowledging His supreme authority. It is looking with wonder at the power displayed in His creation, and realizing that the Creator himself is immeasurably more mighty. It is being intensely humbled and falling on our knees in grateful worship when the gravity of what Jesus did for us on the cross hits us. It is admitting that we are sinners in desperate need of His grace and love.

When I was younger, I didn’t understand the fear of the Lord at all. To me, at that time, fear was fear (as in being afraid). I knew that didn’t quite add up with what I knew of God… but it was one of those things I was really confused by, and if it was clearly explained to me back then, it definitely didn’t sink in. I think I have a little better grasp of it now, but, as in most things, I’m sure there is a lot more to learn. We should always be students!

So, am I afraid of my Savior? Here’s my answer: I don’t feel like I’m afraid of God, but often, when I’m facing something I don’t know how to deal with, I act like I am. I display this in various ways as I try to handle things on my own instead of trusting and relying on Him. PJ and I have moved relatively often since we’ve been married, and each time we did (with maybe one exception), it was because we felt specifically directed by God to relocate to a certain area. Our most recent move was about a year ago. Now, being no stranger to the moving process, and also having had very specific confirmations that it was the right time and place for us to make that change, you would think that it would have felt like smooth sailing. However, I definitely dealt with a lot of anxiety and stress over a period of several long months, and I constantly questioned if we were actually doing the right thing. (“Did God really say…?”) That’s just one example, but I could name others. Other situations where, despite God’s continued faithfulness and provision, I still worry each and every time I run up against them. He knows everything I am facing now and will ever face in the future, and He has my best interests at heart. He’s not going to suddenly leave me alone in a proverbial ditch somewhere and run off to go do something else. He’s just not. He’s going to be faithful because that is who He is! He cannot possibly be unfaithful because that would go against His very nature. Yes, I am free to make my own decisions – even if what I choose isn’t the best and/or even if it is outside of God’s perfect will for my life – but even when I do that, He is always with me, walking alongside me, waiting for me to turn back and do things His way instead. My fear – my anxiety and worry and stress – that’s proof of my own failings, not His. He’s never done anything to deserve my doubt or mistrust.

“I will proclaim the name of the Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God! He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” 

- Deuteronomy 32: 3-4 (NIV)

Life isn’t perfect, of course. Even when we are doing things God’s way. There are bills to pay, illnesses to deal with, relationships to work on, attitudes to adjust, unexpected disasters, and much, much more… We have a very real enemy who is working overtime to overwhelm and distract us. He tries to throw that netting of confusion over us and trap us. His goal is to get us to stay focused on ourself, because he knows that we are a threat to him if we stay focused on the Lord and keep a Kingdom mindset. We are, however, no measurable threat at all when we are focused on ourself. What can we do? How can we counteract this nefarious strategy? Prayer. Obedience. Trust. The sparrow could have relaxed in my hand as I worked to release it. It would have been completely safe. How much stress it could have saved itself if only it had known its savior! When I am having trouble setting aside my fear and placing my trust in my Savior, I should begin by reminding myself who He is. Read the Word. Jot down the names, attributes, and promises of God that I find there. Post them where I can see them every day. Pray and thank Him for his faithfulness. Thank Him for rescuing me. Trust that He will work all things together for good.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

- Romans 8: 14-15 (NIV)

Same type of sparrow (juvenile white-crowned sparrow), having a rather more relaxing day.