Perspective

Recently my husband attended a weekend youth group retreat at a cabin several hours from our home.  He was a driver for the group and was using his vehicle.  He was also sharing and leading worship for the weekend.  We said good-bye to him on Friday around lunch time, and as part of our good-bye we said a short prayer for safety and that he would drive carefully and have a good weekend, etc. 
What followed was a long weekend for me - dealing with sick kids and little sleep.  Both the kids came down with Hand Foot and Mouth Disease, with symptoms beginning to show on Friday night just hours after daddy had gone.  (I'll spare you the details.)  So we muddled through the rest of the weekend looking forward to 6:00pm on Sunday when daddy was supposed to get home. 
Then, Sunday afternoon around 4:30, I get a call from my husband.  "We broke down near the city.  I don't know when I'll be home."  I want to know whose car it was.  I was hoping it wasn't OUR car, since he didn't say "I broke down..."  But it was.  Bummer.  More than bummer, I am mad.  I didn't deal with this well - I'll admit it.  After the ridiculous weekend I just had I am tired and frustrated and I just want my husband HOME and I don't want to even THINK about spending money to tow a car and have it fixed at a garage an hour away from home and then having to find time to drive up there and get it... 
After I got off the phone with him my three-year-old son came over to me and asked when daddy would be home.  I told him that daddy's car was broken, so he wouldn't be home for a while.  He questioned me about daddy's car and what was wrong with it for several minutes.  I tried to explain, but I could tell he wasn't really understanding.  I paused and looked into his face.  He looked a little confused, and like the wheels were really turning in his head.  Then he said (in a questioning sort of way), "We prayed for daddy to be careful."  Wow.  I was floored.  I didn't expect that.  He had been so concerned about the mechanics of the situation - WHY isn't daddy's car working? - that I never considered he'd be thinking about that short, simple prayer we'd had on Friday afternoon.  (I know I wasn't thinking about it at that point...)  "Aww, buddy..."  I gave him a hug and tried to reassure him that daddy had been careful, but the problem with the car was beyond his control.  Then I offered to him that he could pray for daddy to get home safely with no more problems and that the car wouldn't be hard to get fixed, which he did.  Then he ran off to play.
This got me thinking about perspective.  His, as a child, versus mine, as an adult. 
While his comment forced me to look at the situation differently and grounded me a little bit, I still needed to calm down some more.  I was kinda praying/kinda just talking to God about things.  I was expressing my frustrations, mostly.  I mentioned the fact that I was upset that the car would be so far away and I just wanted it to be home so it would be somewhat easier to deal with.  I wasn't mad at God, but I did express to Him how mad I was about the situation.  And I wasn't really being mature.  Because, let's face it, cars break down from time to time.  It happens to everyone.  I was overreacting.  Eventually I calmed down, but I was still irritated.
Then my mom called.  "Have you talked to your husband lately?"  No, I hadn't.  "A guy from your church is driving up with a car hauler and bringing your car back to your house.  Your dad and I are going to get our extra car and bring it down to your house so your husband has a car to drive for work."  Oh.  I was humbled.  I said a thank you to God.  I also said I'm sorry for throwing a fit.  Then I made a mental note to bake that friend from church a plate of cookies!
Don't you know God loves us?  I was both humbled and blessed by this answer to a prayer I hadn't really prayed.  In some ways, I felt like I should have been reprimanded for my stunning display of immaturity and apparent lack of faith, but instead all I felt in that moment was the mercy of a loving God who knew me and understood me and chose to extend His favor to me despite my imperfections.  The car isn't fixed yet (in fact, it is in the transmission shop - needs a rebuild), but at least dealing with the problem hasn't been as difficult or as stressful as it could have been. 
Perspective.  A three-year-old's versus an adult's versus God's.  A child takes things at face value - simple and uncomplicated.  As adults, our perspective has matured with age and has been shaped, at least in part, by the experiences we have gone through.  We may think we have it all figured out.  That our perspective is the most accurate.  However, we do tend to overcomplicate things many times (I know I do), and the experiences that have shaped our perspective weren't always positive, so we don't always get it right.  God's perspective is the ultimate.  He sees the beginning and the end of every situation at the same time.  If I can remember that as I go through my daily life, it should give me some comfort.  Even though I don't know what is ahead, God does.  And He will be there for me through all of it.
It is good for me to remind myself of that frequently, especially considering our current situation.  My husband now has only one month left at his current position, and we still don't know for sure what we're going to be doing after that.  We are considering and praying about a certain town.  We have even recieved several confirmations toward that end.  We still need several things to happen before we go ahead and call the moving company, so we're praying for those things to come through if that's where God wants us to serve (and that they don't if He has something else in mind for us).  This particular option would require another cross-country move away from our families, so we want to be extra sure of our decision. 
Ahhh... life.  A constant adventure that keeps us totally dependent upon God - for breath, for provision, for sanity...

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. 

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

-Psalm 62: 5-8 (NIV)

Walking Blindly

Our daughter is one year old, and she is just learning to walk.  The other day, she learned a valuable lesson.  She was upset about something and as she walked she shut her eyes because she was crying.  She walked straight into a wall.  Her lesson?  Looking where you are going is important!

As a family, the lesson we are being schooled in right now is a striking contrast.  We are learning to walk blindly.

My husband recently announced his resignation from the church that we are currently working with.  We’ve only been here for two years, so we weren’t expecting to transition again this soon.  It was a decision that was extremely difficult for us to make.  We prayed a lot and sought counsel from people we respect in the Lord.  Through this we felt God leading us in a different direction from where we were currently going.  At first, we did not want to accept His leading.  We both tried what we could to convince ourselves that we heard incorrectly.  However, it became very clear that God has something new for us.  What is it?  We don’t know.  We don’t have any idea.  We can’t tell you where we’ll be or what we’ll be doing even three months from now.  We are following God and trying to trust. 

As we walk together through this challenging time of transition, we cannot see where we are going.  Our eyes are open, but the direction of our path is hidden from us.  We put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward in faith. 

We’ve had practice in this exercise before.  My husband reminded me of one such instance recently.  When we got married, we moved halfway across the country.  We knew we were going to work with a church as part-time youth pastors.  We knew the monetary compensation would be slim, so we were planning to find other employment also.  But we moved without having anything lined up.  Oddly, I don’t remember being terrified about this.  Why wasn’t I?  Youth and enthusiasm may have had something to do with it.  We were only married a few weeks when we moved, so perhaps there was some "love is blind" type stuff thrown in there.  Naivete is probably a big reason.  We got a lot of necessary items for our household as wedding gifts.  We also made some purchases, and I thought we were pretty well set.  I remember being surprised by the fact that we had to buy things such as a toilet plunger and light bulbs, and being quite surprised by how quickly the cost of those things added up!  I guess I just took such mundane, everyday items for granted when I lived at home. 
Did we also have faith and trust in God?  I know we did.

Despite the fact that this isn’t the first time we’ve lived with "blind" faith, this time still feels completely different.  Sometimes, even though you've been through something once, you still feel like you're learning it all over again the second (or third, or fourth...) time you experience it.  Even though we've been through this before, this time is more intense than any of the others.  We still struggle not to worry about the future.  We can do nothing more than take it one day at a time, leaning heavily on the God who "knows the plans He has" for us.  For our family.  For our lives. 

This blog is a new venture for me.  I've titled it "Faith Undaunted".  According to dictionary.com, to be undaunted is to be "undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort; not giving way to fear".  I want to have a faith like that!  I desire to live my life in such a way that I am not swayed by fear or worry.  I don't want to break when I bend.  I want to stay focused on God in the midst of trying times so that even though I may feel like things are out of control, I can know that they are not because my God is bigger than anything I could ever face. 

I don't have this all figured out.  I am far from perfect.  But I have a God who is walking hand-in-hand with me through my life and helping me to learn how to live with an undaunted faith.  A faith that doesn't give up.  A faith that says, "Come what may I will yet praise Him!" 

For right now, this means that even though I can't see where God is taking us I will strive to remain confident in His leadership.  And when I let worry take hold, I will strive to turn my attitude around and remain confident in His love. 

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  

-Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) 

Coming Soon...